Random 'Beethoven,' Silly Dog Movie, It's Actually Much, Much Darker Than You Think (13 items)

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  (#1) The Villain Is A Fake Vet/Real... Weapons Scientist?

  It's clear that the villain, Dr. Herman Varnick, is not a vet. It's less clear what he actually is. It appears as though he Dr. Varnick is testing out weapons on dogs, supposedly for scientific purposes, but his methods lack any real intent aside from cruelty. But again, to reiterate: the antagonist in this PG-rated dog movie tests weapons on dogs. But how does he do it?
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  (#2) Dr. Varnick Shoots Dogs In The Head At Point-Blank Range

  The villain in this children's canine movie EXECUTES DOGS BY SHOOTING THEM IN THE HEAD! Of course, audiences never actually see it happen, but still. In the film's climactic scene, he is in his lab with Beethoven, holding a revolver aimed right between the St. Bernard's eyes – and this is all part of his real occupation, supposedly.

  Why? How can that be remotely necessary? What type of data does that provide? 
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  (#3) Dean Jones Refused To Break Character Between Scenes

  Perhaps most messed up of all was Dean Jones's commitment to method acting as he refused to break character when the cameras stopped rolling. Since Dean Jones had a history of playing nice guys, like he did in The Shaggy D.A., he wanted to make sure he could really capture the essence of the dog murderer he was channeling.

  That's a pretty screwed up brain space for one to voluntarily occupy. It's a kids movie! Just phone in your evil vet performance. It could not have been worth risking your soul, Dean.
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  (#4) The Murderous Dr. Varnick Previously Played An Animal Lover

  Before Beethoven, Dean Jones (the guy who played the dog-killing vet) starred in a movie called The Shaggy D.A. In the movie, he had a magic ring that allowed him to transform into a dog, which apparently helped him perform his job as a... District Attorney. 

  The point is, he went from playing an actual dog to a dog murderer. Don't let anyone tell you Dean Jones doesn't have range.
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  (#5) A Dog Masticates Dr. Varnick's Testicles

  In the climactic battle, a terrier helps the Newtons in their fight against Dr. Varnick. The terrier comes running in, bites down, and latches onto the man's package in a children's movie before the family comes bursting in – sending a tray of needles hurtling through the air, peppering and incapacitating the villain, again, in a children's movie.
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  (#6) People Are Mauled By Dogs

  It's no wonder the villain of this film can get away with executing dogs, as Beethoven portrays the animals as exceedingly dangerous. A number of people throughout the film incur injuries induced by some sort of dog shenanigans, and sometimes as the result of a direct attack.

  Varnick's henchmen get mauled by a pack of dogs at the end of the movie, and it's not even those freed by the children. Apparently, the implication is that packs of dogs are generally just prone to attack people.
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  (#7) One Of Those People Is Stanley Tucci

  A balding (but not-yet-bald) Stanley Tucci played one of Dr. Varnick's henchmen. Tucci has won three Emmys, two Golden Globes, and has been nominated for an Oscar. Not surprisingly, none of these were for his work in Beethoven. 
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  (#8) Mr. Newton Was 26 Years Older Than Mrs. Newton

  When Charles Grodin played George Newton, he was 56 years old. Bonnie Hunt played his wife, and she was 30. While there's nothing illegal about a man being married to a woman virtually half his age, there is something inherently gross about it.

  Of course, there's no indication in the movie that he's significantly older (other than his skin), but it's still an odd choice, especially considering their eldest child looks to be in her early teens – meaning 30-year-old Alice Newton could have been the first star of Teen Mom.
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  (#9) It Was Written By John Hughes

  It's no wonder John Hughes used the pseudonym Edmond Dantès when he wrote Beethoven; he probably didn't want to be associated with it. John Hughes has a very impressive filmography: he wrote and directed Uncle Buck, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, The Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles. He also wrote the Home Alone movies.

  That's a whole lot of classic cinema the man is responsible for. And then there's the movie about the guy who shoots dogs in the head and the annoying family who thwarted him, plus its many, many sequels. 
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  (#10) There Were Seven Sequels, An Animated Series, And A Video Game

  Beethoven is all the proof anyone needs to understand the evils of commercialism. There were eight Beethoven movies, most of which were direct-to-video. Regardless, the movie studio milked those St. Bernards for all they were worth, at the expense of art.

  With the addition of an animated series and a video game, Beethoven ultimately boasted its own universe, and for a story that started with a dog murderer, that's messed up.
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  (#11) A Kid Almost Died

  There's a scene in Beethoven where the youngest Newton, Emily, almost drowns. The Newton children are being babysat by a woman named Devonia who fails spectacularly in her duties.

  While she's teaching the two older kids "Lady Marmalade," a song about prostitutes, the youngest child casually walks into the backyard and falls into the pool. She's saved by Beethoven who had to break out of his kennel to rescue her. There's like a 90% chance she could have died. 
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  (#12) The Last Sequel Is Titled "Beethoven's Treasure Tail"

  It's one thing for there to be sexual innuendo in a kids movie as a wink to parents who are dying inside as they watch for the 40th time. It's something else entirely to make the title of a kids movie a reference to pubic hair.

  To be fair, maybe that wasn't John Hughes's intention (as Hughes is indeed credited as a writer for the film's 7th sequel). Maybe whoever named 2014's Beethoven's Treasure Tail was unaware of the slang term for the hair leading from a man's belly button down into his pants... but someone should have caught that. 
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  (#13) Dean Jones Played The Dad In The Animated Series

  That's right: Dean Jones, the guy who played the dog murderer in the original movie, voiced George Newton, the man who thwarted the dog shooter, in the Beethoven animated series.

  One could look at this as a nice bit of redemption for Jones who had exclusively played good guys before his role as Dr. Varnick. Perhaps, however, he was still corrupted by his method acting and was only posing as George Newton to get close to Beethoven so he could finish the job he started all those years earlier.

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