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  • Mitch Buchannon on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#4) Mitch Buchannon

    • Baywatch the Movie: Forbidden Paradise, Baywatch Nights, Baywatch, Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding

    If box office receipts are to be believed, you didn’t see the new Baywatch movie. If you had, you would know that Mitch Buchannon is presented as the number-one stud of Emerald Bay: all the ladies want him and the men want to be him. But all Mitch seems to want is to get jacked, save lives, and keep the beach free from injustice of all kinds. Throughout the film women throw themselves at him, only to be consistently rebuffed. Mitch isn't afraid to go toe to toe with vicious drug dealers, but he is spooked by intimacy.

  • Bodhi on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#9) Bodhi

    • Point Break

    As Lori Petty says in director Katherine Bigelow’s surfing bank robbers movie Point Break, “That's Bodhi. They call him the Bodhisattva. He's a modern savage. He's a real searcher.” But she should have added, “He’s also a total virgin.”

    Bodhi may be played by Patrick Swayze at his hunkiest, but the character’s insistence on riding the perfect wave and constantly moving means he probably doesn’t really date. As much as he seems like a far-out party guy, he also spends most of the movie philosophizing, which is a surefire way to make any potential sexual partner run for the hills.

  • Bane on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#2) Bane

    • Justice League: Doom, The Dark Knight Rises

    Bane, the masked, muscular thorn in the side of Batman, grew up in a hole in the middle of the desert surrounded by crooks and thieves. Sure, he's got a babelike face under that contraption, but once he escapes the prison he's out for revenge. Forget physical touch. Bane is all about pumping iron and engaging in super-villainy.

    Even after he banishes Bruce Wayne to that same desert hole and starts walking people onto a frozen lake, Bane keeps himself busy with bad guy stuff rather than attempting to woo a sexual partner.

  • Blain Cooper on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#10) Blain Cooper

    Predator is a movie made for men, by men. Big, oily, men. It’s likely that none of the characters in this film have ever had sex, especially since the moment they actually meet a real-life woman they relegate her to the background as they clean their guns and try to out muscle daddy each other.

    The most alpha of the daddies in Predator is Blain Cooper, played by Jesse Ventura, former WWF wrestler and governor of Minnesota. Cooper spends his time in the film spitting tobacco on his friends, spewing homophobic epithets, and caressing his gun. Not only is Cooper a special ops military guy who’s spent most of his life working for the government, leaving no time for a long-term relationship, but he’s just an absolute bore.

  • Douglas Quaid on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#12) Douglas Quaid

    • Total Recall, Total Recall

    Total Recall follows Douglas Quaid (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), a seemingly regular guy who goes on a memory implant vacation via the Rekall company. But then he remembers that he's actually a secret agent who's trying to save Mars.

    That’s if you’re take the film at face value. It also works if the entire film happens inside Quaid's head. It could all be the fantasy of an uptight construction worker who doesn’t know how to take a break, let alone get intimate. This totally explains why the movie is full of action hero garbage and women with too many breasts wearing super tight clothes. This is definitely a guy who’s never had sex.

  • Daniel Plainview on Random Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins

    (#5) Daniel Plainview

    • There Will Be Blood

    There Will Be Blood’s Daniel Plainview may drink up your milkshake, but he’s never drank up anything else, you know? Not only is he a vile human being, but he’s completely obsessed with finding oil, making cold hard cash, and destroying his enemies. All three of those things are enough to fill one’s day, leaving zero time for the pursuit of sexual intercourse.

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About This Tool

Alpha males, meaning “older” males who are comfortable in a group and have it all under control. Researchers recently found that for Alpha males, extra stress may be one of the main reasons for their short lives. On the other hand, scientists have also found that stress contributes to the evolution of the brain and that Alpha males’ success is in part due to stress.

This random tool collates 15 items and introduces you to the impressive Alpha male in the film. They often a simple character, like to boast about their heroic deeds, but in fact, shallow thinking, not too bad-hearted.

Our data comes from Ranker, If you want to participate in the ranking of items displayed on this page, please click here.

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