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    /u/AnxietyAttack2013

    Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering.

    [ranking: 1]
    /u/AnxietyAttack2013

    /u/Steel_Ninja

    Let's take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.

    [ranking: 2]
    /u/Steel_Ninja

    /u/brandonberry

    Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

    [ranking: 3]
    /u/brandonberry

    /u/stillegal

    Everyone actually has 3 voices, the one in your head, the one you hear when you talk and the one that everyone else hears instead.

    [ranking: 4]
    /u/stillegal

    /u/kraken_calamari

    When you're a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you're an adult, they're considered immature.

    [ranking: 5]
    /u/kraken_calamari

    /u/LordofSloths

    If the oldest person on earth is 116 years old, then 117 years ago, there was a completely different set of human beings on earth.

    [ranking: 6]
    /u/LordofSloths

    /u/roessera

    Most people can eat the same breakfast weeks in a row, without complaint. But the same dinner for weeks? Now, that's just insanity.

    [ranking: 7]
    /u/roessera

    /u/Indian_of_legend

    If mary had baby jesus, and jesus is the lamb of god.... Then mary really did have a little lamb.

    [ranking: 8]
    /u/Indian_of_legend

    /u/scadrafein

    Technically, it's impossible to skip breakfast. The first time you eat during a day is when you "break your fast."

    [ranking: 9]
    /u/scadrafein

    /u/KnibbHighFB

    I wonder how many times I've walked past or come into contact with a murderer.

    [ranking: 10]
    /u/KnibbHighFB

    Thediepend

    A group of squid should be called a squad.

    [ranking: 11]
    Thediepend

    /u/RealDirtyDan

    History classes are only going to get longer and harder as time goes on.

    [ranking: 12]
    /u/RealDirtyDan

    /u/zerophaze

    Most of my clothes have been to countries that I have not.

    [ranking: 13]
    /u/zerophaze

    /u/DDYLK

    Cars should have two horns: one is a "nice" one, the other is a "mean" one.

    [ranking: 14]
    /u/DDYLK

    /u/philly_jay

    I have no idea what I've forgotten.

    [ranking: 15]
    /u/philly_jay

    /u/NewMaterialOnly

    We rescue homeless animals and shun homeless people.

    [ranking: 16]
    /u/NewMaterialOnly

    /u/Angry_Spacepimp

    Getting birthday money is the real life equivalent of passing 'go' and collecting $200.

    [ranking: 17]
    /u/Angry_Spacepimp

    /u/RocketHopper

    The reason "cheaters never win" is because the cheaters that did win didn't get caught.

    [ranking: 18]
    /u/RocketHopper

    /u/lemonsmcbob

    "Arms" is another word for guns, and "guns" is another word for arms.

    [ranking: 19]
    /u/lemonsmcbob

    /u/pollenatedweasel

    Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969.

    [ranking: 20]
    /u/pollenatedweasel

    /u/VoteBumblebee

    We say "hair" when referring to lots of it but we say "hairs" when referring to a few.

    [ranking: 21]
    /u/VoteBumblebee

    /u/NoIntroductionNeeded

    "my entire life has led up to this moment" is always true.

    [ranking: 22]
    /u/NoIntroductionNeeded

    /u/shicky536

    I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.

    [ranking: 23]
    /u/shicky536

    /u/dr721

    If Bruce Willis dies from Viagra overdose, the headline will read "Bruce Willis Dies Hard."

    [ranking: 24]
    /u/dr721

    /u/Strant

    If I'm lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day.

    [ranking: 25]
    /u/Strant

    /u/OldMikeyboy

    The witches from "Sabrina" naming their cat Salem is like a Jewish family naming a cat Auschwitz

    [ranking: 26]
    /u/OldMikeyboy

    /u/sharkis

    They should mark the last tissues in a box with red lines like they do with receipt paper.

    [ranking: 27]
    /u/sharkis

    /u/KaptainH

    Why do people say "tuna fish" when they don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird"?

    [ranking: 28]
    /u/KaptainH

    /u/myfajahas400children

    I will be the last person to die in my lifetime.

    [ranking: 29]
    /u/myfajahas400children

    "Squawks" said backwards still sounds the same even though it's not a palindrome

    [ranking: 30]

    /u/Illuminaughty66

    "Strap-on" spelled backwards is "no parts."

    [ranking: 31]
    /u/Illuminaughty66

    /u/AhrmiintheUnseen

    If I were a serial killer I would call myself "the suspense" so that the suspense would literally be killing people.

    [ranking: 32]
    /u/AhrmiintheUnseen

    /u/saint1997

    Asking someone "where are you" is a recent thing. Before we had mobile phones, the only way we could talk to people is if we knew where they were.

    [ranking: 33]
    /u/saint1997

    /u/conesarecool

    In order to fall asleep, you have to pretend to be asleep.

    [ranking: 34]
    /u/conesarecool

    /u/cyberk25

    Spacesuits are literally made to protect astronauts from nothing

    [ranking: 35]
    /u/cyberk25

    /u/PhantomDukie

    The person who would proof read Hitler's speeches was a grammar Nazi.

    [ranking: 36]
    /u/PhantomDukie

    /u/GuitarPerson159

    Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.

    [ranking: 37]
    /u/GuitarPerson159

    /u/ohnowhyme

    I wonder if I am closer to my death or my birth right now.

    [ranking: 38]
    /u/ohnowhyme

    /u/okspeck

    When you "bite down" on something, you're actually "biting up" because you can't move your top jaw.

    [ranking: 39]
    /u/okspeck

    /u/beinagrind_i_skapnum

    If Katniss and Peeta from Hunger Games were hollywood celebrities, their supercouple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.

    [ranking: 40]
    /u/beinagrind_i_skapnum

    /u/Rowhardorrowhome

    If people on a planet 65 million light years away look at earth, they see dinosaurs.

    [ranking: 41]
    /u/Rowhardorrowhome

    /u/mcgeeb

    If you did something like a boss, you'd probably just pay someone else to do it.

    [ranking: 42]
    /u/mcgeeb

    /u/puppieseverywhere

    You're too big to ride the dog by the time you're smart enough to think to ride the dog.

    [ranking: 43]
    /u/puppieseverywhere

    /u/jmoney73

    Mothers only get a day but sharks get a whole week.

    [ranking: 44]
    /u/jmoney73

    /u/Nukemarine

    In the last 20 years, I won over $7,300 by not buying a lottery ticket every day.

    [ranking: 45]
    /u/Nukemarine

    /u/sarahkuch

    The two worst sentences you can get are life and death.

    [ranking: 46]
    /u/sarahkuch

    /u/AlyxVeldin

    If there's a "heavens no" and a "hell yea," why isn't there a "purgatory perhaps"?

    [ranking: 47]
    /u/AlyxVeldin

    /u/Sland

    Once you have a phd, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.

    [ranking: 48]
    /u/Sland

    /u/wtb2612

    Google earth is good for finding out which of your neighbors has a pool.

    [ranking: 49]
    /u/wtb2612

    /u/RottenAnemone

    The only reason celebrities always say people should follow their dreams is because they're part of the small percentage who were actually successful.

    [ranking: 50]
    /u/RottenAnemone

    /u/ElBretto

    The sinking of the titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

    [ranking: 51]
    /u/ElBretto

    /u/SoilworkFanatic

    When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don't think we are running from or to something.

    [ranking: 52]
    /u/SoilworkFanatic

    /u/ZebulonHart

    Horses must be the most farted upon creatures in the whole world.

    [ranking: 53]
    /u/ZebulonHart

    /u/aaqucnaona

    Mars... Is populated entirely by robots!

    [ranking: 54]
    /u/aaqucnaona

    /u/AceOfDrafts

    The war on drugs probably has more POWs than any actual war.

    [ranking: 55]
    /u/AceOfDrafts

    /u/dewinstainleigh

    There is one day every year, where we unknowingly pass the anniversary of the day the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid.

    [ranking: 56]
    /u/dewinstainleigh

    /u/nklotz

    If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the earth briefly becomes a sandwich.

    [ranking: 57]
    /u/nklotz

    /u/Nulono

    If Homer Simpson were a democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he'd be Homer Simpson (D-OH).

    [ranking: 58]
    /u/Nulono

    /u/TeeDeeEff

    All our pets might have stockholm syndrome.

    [ranking: 59]
    /u/TeeDeeEff

    /u/quiche_richards

    Netflix should have a rating system that includes, "i hate this, but I want to keep watching it."

    [ranking: 60]
    /u/quiche_richards

    /u/EetzRusheen

    Computer labs should flicker its lights every now and then, to remind students to save their work.

    [ranking: 61]
    /u/EetzRusheen

    /u/nickpiscool

    My right elbow has never been touched by my right hand.

    [ranking: 62]
    /u/nickpiscool

    /u/komali_2

    What if the egyptians didn't actually revere cats, but only jokingly did like we do on the internet?

    [ranking: 63]
    /u/komali_2

    /u/Zodikosis

    Somewhere out there, there is a bottle of caesar salad dressing with an expiration date of march 15th.

    [ranking: 64]
    /u/Zodikosis

    /u/MayoFetish

    Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed.

    [ranking: 65]
    /u/MayoFetish

    /u/gogoALLthegadgets

    If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to ducks determines whether or not I'm littering.

    [ranking: 66]
    /u/gogoALLthegadgets

    /u/MeGustaUsername

    If anyone was given the challenge to fall asleep in 10 minutes in exchange for a million dollars, almost everyone would fail miserably.

    [ranking: 67]
    /u/MeGustaUsername

    /u/stopsayingnoodles

    A date is like a sex interview.

    [ranking: 68]
    /u/stopsayingnoodles

    /u/PohFahVoh

    "Supervision" sounds a lot cooler than it really is.

    [ranking: 69]
    /u/PohFahVoh

    /u/Catifan

    Minivans have sliding doors so children don't open them into other cars.

    [ranking: 70]
    /u/Catifan

    /u/H3llShadow

    Trying to get rich by playing the lottery is like trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airlines.

    [ranking: 71]
    /u/H3llShadow

    /u/Sloth_Brotherhood

    If Obama was the President of Kenya, he would be their first white president.

    [ranking: 72]
    /u/Sloth_Brotherhood

    /u/caucasian-gary

    "slang" is a colloquial word for "colloquial word."

    [ranking: 73]
    /u/caucasian-gary

    /u/benji9t3

    When you drink alcohol, you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

    [ranking: 74]
    /u/benji9t3

    /u/Yiazmad

    Kevin spacey gets paid more to pretend to be a politician than real ones get paid to run the country.

    [ranking: 75]
    /u/Yiazmad

    /u/DKXIII

    Technically speaking, wouldn't your best friend be your worst enemy?

    [ranking: 76]
    /u/DKXIII

    /u/rrtaylor

    Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.

    [ranking: 77]
    /u/rrtaylor

    /u/avar14

    If kanye and kim's child's name is north west, that makes kim's vagina the northwest passage.

    [ranking: 78]
    /u/avar14

    /u/U7m8b

    A crush is called a crush because he/she will most likely crush your feelings

    [ranking: 79]
    /u/U7m8b

    /u/gavin92

    Humans have a 16 hour battery life.

    [ranking: 80]
    /u/gavin92

    /u/dafunkmasta

    Some rappers basically have us pay them to tell us what extravagant/lavish things they then do with our money.

    [ranking: 81]
    /u/dafunkmasta

    /u/thebageljew

    June is like friday, july is like saturday, and august is like sunday

    [ranking: 82]
    /u/thebageljew

    /u/jazcat

    Wake up earlier on weekends. Now you get to sleep in for 5 days a week instead of two.

    [ranking: 83]
    /u/jazcat

    /u/s4082211

    The word "anna" shifted down the alphabet one letter becomes "boob."

    [ranking: 84]
    /u/s4082211

    /u/thejamesstage

    It would make more sense if 3 had the value of 4 because the number 3 looks like half of the number 8.

    [ranking: 85]
    /u/thejamesstage

    /u/BakedKartoffel

    A mullet will make you a redneck and also prevent you from getting one.

    [ranking: 86]
    /u/BakedKartoffel

    /u/PaintedCeiling

    Childbirth is literally an emergency.

    [ranking: 87]
    /u/PaintedCeiling

    /u/Jtcor

    If we ever colonize another planet how will we determine age?

    [ranking: 88]
    /u/Jtcor

    Teach a man to fish he'll pay you once, sell a man a fish and he'll pay you for a lifetime.

    [ranking: 89]

    /u/OMGGGEEEE

    I wish I had a mario kart-like ghost of myself punctually getting ready for work in the morning so I'd know if I was running late.

    [ranking: 90]
    /u/OMGGGEEEE

    /u/therealjenks

    Acquired taste is the stockholm syndrome of the flavor world.

    [ranking: 91]
    /u/therealjenks

    /u/turnoid

    Everything I cook literally turns out to be sh*t.

    [ranking: 92]
    /u/turnoid

    /u/execon

    Keith urban is a terrible name for a country music singer.

    [ranking: 93]
    /u/execon

    /u/CoheedLudes

    "don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.

    [ranking: 94]
    /u/CoheedLudes

    /u/noreferencesleft

    Can chewbacca even say "chewbacca"? shouldn't his name be something like "rawwwraaraar"?

    [ranking: 95]
    /u/noreferencesleft

    /u/Mofman1

    Being attracted to your own flaccid penis would be the worst fetish ever

    [ranking: 96]
    /u/Mofman1

    /u/skippwhy

    The word "bitch" is used to describe people of either gender who possess negative traits of the other.

    [ranking: 97]
    /u/skippwhy

    /u/this_wont_kill_me

    I am just a penis. The rest of me is just there to make sure my penis survives long enough to make more penises.

    [ranking: 98]
    /u/this_wont_kill_me

    /u/LightReaper

    "dog food lid" backwards is "dildo of god"

    [ranking: 99]
    /u/LightReaper

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About Random Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought

It's an exciting tool for displaying random greatest shower thoughts ever thought. We collected a list of "Random Greatest Shower Thoughts Ever Thought" from ranker, which was screened by countless online votes. You can view random greatest shower thoughts ever thought shows from this page, click on "Show all by ranking" button to show the complete list, or visit the original page for a more detailed introduction.

The subreddit /r/Showerthoughts is full of brilliant, concise insights thought up in that great, steamy thinktank: the shower. We (most of us) bathe in quiet solitude, with neither friends nor social media to entertain us lest we get our devices wet and ruin them. Amidst all that lathering and rinsing, the mind wanders, and for the duration of each shower, anything is possible.

 What do you think about during your most vulnerable moments? Space travel? The strange ways we use language? How cats have whisker-eyebrows and nobody really talks about it? This list collects the best of the Shower Thoughts subreddit – with credit to their original thinkers – for you to enjoy, ponder, and rank. Vote up the ones that make you be like, "Yeah. Yep." 

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