Random Tips for Having Friends with Benefits (9 items)

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  (#2) There's No Room For Jealousy

  See your friend hooking up with that hot dude who's more attractive than the Old Spice guy with water running down that silky skin? Yeah, you most certainly do, and your friend's eating it up, one spoonful at a time. 

  But, you're just friends. So, whatever, right?
• 

  (#3) Neediness Is Not Attractive

  It doesn't matter what gender you are; no one wants a clingy, needy, attention-obsessed person.

  Do you think your FWB is going to appreciate the 45 texts you send her every day while you try to make "casual" conversation with your FWB and outline your entire day? Depending on how exclusive you are, probably not.
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  (#9) Abide By The Two-Month Limit

  You'll definitely want to start tracking either yours or your friend's menstrual cycle so that you fornicate during peak ovulation to ensure pregnancy.

  Just kidding!

  But seriously, if you're someone who gets periods, keep track of your cycle, and keep track of how long you've been with this FWB. You can only be friends with benefits for so long before something goes awry or you find yourself diving headfirst into a relationship.

  Two months is the time limit. Two months gives you plenty of time to hit it and quit it without traumatizing your friend.
• 

  (#8) For Non-Snugglers Only

  Whew! The best hooking up yet! Now roll out of bed and leave. You don't get to stay there, laying in your own filth and sweat, spooning your buddy while you drift off for a half an hour, giving ample time for both your minds to wander into the netherworlds of relationships and love.

  Before you know it, you'll be stuck deciding between roses and azaleas for the bridal bouquet. This is strict business, so pony up and get out.
• 

  (#1) Act Normal In Public

  None of those cutesy, flirty, kissy shenanigans can go on in public. Can you imagine all the backlash you're going to get when you hand-feed your FWB some spinach and artichoke dip? And just when you realize what you're doing, with your friends gawking at you, mouths agape, your hand finds a new trajectory, nearly missing Friend McGee's mouth and smearing dip all over their cheek, while you quickly try to cover up with a lame story about shooing a fly off their face.
• 

  (#5) Don't Go On Dates With Your FWB

  This relationship is about hooking up, so don't go making it emotional with dinner and roses and long walks on the beach. Keep it strictly booty-call business to avoid anyone feeling like they need to muster out the L-word. 

  And even if you know for sure you're not going to fall in love with your under-the-sheets buddy, just imagine what it's going to do for your relationship if you go out to dinner together. You order nachos as an appetizer, and your FWB shocks you with their eating habits. Good luck getting it up after that. 

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