Random Best 'Simpsons' Gags (19 items)

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  (#3) The Vending Machines

  Episode: Marge on the Lam

  Homer gets his hands trapped in two vending machines in the plant after work hours. After being trapped for hours, firemen and repairmen arrive.

  Repairman 1: Homer, this... this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off.
  [brandishes a buzzsaw]
  Homer: They'll grow back, right?
  Repairman 1: Oh... yeah.
  Homer: Whew!
  Repairman 2: Homer, are you just holding onto the can?
  Homer: Your point being...?
  [Homer walks out of the plant to the sound of laughing, then runs away]
• 

  (#12) Business Hammocks

  Episode: You Only Move Twice

  Hard to pick my favorite bit from this episode (this is easily Albert Brooks's best character on the show), but I'm going to have to forgo the sugar in the pockets gag for this one. The hammock district.

  Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
  Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
  Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
  Homer: Uh-huh.
  Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
  Homer: Mm-Hmm.
  Hank Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex down on third.
  Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
  Hank Scorpio: That's right.
  [blows up the 59th Street Bridge to threaten the UN]
  Hank Scorpio: Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.
  [laughs]
  Hank Scorpio: I'm just kidding.
  Homer: Oh.
  Hank Scorpio: You know who invented the hammock, Homer?
  Homer: No.
  Hank Scorpio: There's something for you to do: find that out.
• 

  (#4) The Big Sandwich

  Episode: Selma's Choice

  After noting that Homer seems horribly ill, Marge asks Homer if he's been eating a certain sandwich. Flashback to the company picnic, where a large submarine lies on a table. Carl talks to Homer.

  Carl: We hardly made a dent in that 10-foot hoagie.
  Homer: I'll give it a good home.
  [Homer eats the sandwich in front of the TV]
  Marge: You've been eating that sandwich for over a week. I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.
  Homer: Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge.
  [Marge walks up to Homer with a vaguely blue-green sandwich-looking shape]
  Marge: Homer, I found this behind the radiator. I really think you should throw it away.
  Homer: Suggestion noted.
  [Marge leaves, Homer takes a big bite]
  [later, after he's been forced to throw it in the trash outside...]
  Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
  Marge: Are you going to eat it?
  Homer: [pause] Yes.
• 

  (#8) Clown College

  Episode: Homie the Clown

  Homer goes to clown college.

  Homer: Marge?
  Marge: [appearing to be in clown makeup to Homer] Yes, Homie? [hums the Barnum and Bailey Circus theme]
  Homer: [leaps to his feet] That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! [leaves]
  Bart Simpson: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
• 

  (#17) Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

  • TV Episode

  Episode: Homer vs. the Eighteen Amendment

  Bart: You sure look stupid in that green dress, Lis.
  Lisa: That's funny, I don't feel stupid
  [Bart gets mobbed and pinched at school]
  Lisa: No one's pinching his legs!
  [kids pinch his legs]
• 

  (#16) Forget Grandpa

  Episode: The Shinning

  The Simpsons take a road trip on a Tuesday.

  Homer: Well it was a long trip, but we're almost there.
  Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
  Homer: D'oh!
  [Wednesday]
  Homer: Well it's been two long trips but we're finally almost there again.
  Marge: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
  Homer: D'oh d'oh!
  [Thursday]
  Lisa: Oh no! We left Grandpa back at the gas station! [Homer keeps driving] What about Grandpa?

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