Random Bizarre, Hilarious Explanations Flat-Earthers Subscribe To (12 items)

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  (#1) Forests Aren't Real We Just Think They Are

  This theory is strange, and requires a bit of an imagination, so bear with us. Flat Earthers revealed a strange new theory in 2017 that basically says there are no forests on Earth. But then how do we see trees? The trees we see are actually not trees, they're just big bushes. According to this YouTube video, all the forests on Earth are not that old, which proves the true forests on Earth were decimated in some sort of weird nature event (like I said, hard to follow...).

  Anyways, the trees we see today are lesser versions of the trees from before this unnamed cataclysmic event. The real trees were massive, and they left behind their stumps. Specifically, places like Devils Tower in Wyoming. Round Earthers call these structures a variety of things - mountains, isolated rock faces, mesas - but Flat Earthers are calling them trees. In fact, nothing on Earth was formed by lava or tectonic plates moving about from a spherical center of the earth. Mountains, canyons, deserts, etc., are all just the remnants of massive trees cut down by a destructive unnamed force thousands of years ago. 

  What does this have to do with a flat Earth, you say? Round Earthers say Flat Earthers can't account for natural formations - like mountains - without conceding how they were made. If the Earth isn't round, how do mountains exist? According to this new theory, they're old trees. Not mountains. And aliens cut them down - or something.
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  (#2) The Earth Is a Disc

  So, let's get the obvious out of the way: Flat-Earthers simply do not believe the Earth is a spherical object. Their explanation? Instead of a "globe," the Earth is a flat, disc-like shape. 

  This archaic belief harkens back thousands of years to an era before scientific advancements made it possible to prove the Earth was actually a spherical object. 
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  (#3) A 'Round Earth' Is a Conspiracy to Debunk Religion

  Although there's a colossal amount of evidence that most religions and religious documents never mentioned the actual shape of the Earth to begin with, some flat-Earthers believe that NASA and other conspirators enforced their "round Earth" propaganda as a way of stifling religious beliefs.

  As noted conspiracy theorist Eric Dubay puts it:

  "But if the Earth is just one of billions of planets revolving around billions of stars in billions of galaxies, then the ideas of God, creation, and a specific purpose for Earth and human existence become highly implausible."

  Then again, flat-Earth supporters are also no strangers to propaganda themselves, so... 
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  (#4) Gravity Is an Illusion

  Sorry, Sir Isaac Newton, but not only are you completely wrong about gravity, but it's possible you're part of the conspiracy as well, according to flat-Earthers. 

  So how does Newton tie into the flat-Earth theory? Here goes: objects never accelerate downward, as Newton preposterously theorized, but rather the Earth is continually accelerating upward, propelled by the mysterious force known as dark energy.
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  (#5) NASA Is a Hoax

  Yup. Sorry, John Glenn, Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and the thousands of scientists around the world (yes, around) who work at NASA - flat-Earthers aren't buying your lies. Mars Rover? Fake. Space travel? Total crock. The moon landing? Never happened.

  To the flat-Earth crew, everything under the umbrella of NASA is just part of an elaborate game to keep everyone from knowing the real truth about our world.
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  (#6) There Is a 150-Foot Wall of Ice at the 'Edge'

  By now you may be wondering exactly what the structure of the Earth looks like, aside from simply being a flat disc, hurtling through space like a cosmic frisbee. Luckily, flat-Earth folks have the answers: the Earth is actually contained within Antarctica, and Antarctica itself is an entire wall of ice at the very edge of the world. 

  Sound confusing? Well, that's not the end of it. In fact, to prevent anyone from climbing over the "edge" of the Earth, NASA employs guards at the wall to maintain the conspiracy.

  Sort of like the Night's Watch if Jon Snow was completely delusional. 
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  (#7) The Earth Is a Plane, Not a Planet

  Not only are the Sun and Moon incredibly small according to flat-Earthers, with each being about 32 miles around, but they're actually only about 3,000 miles above us, too. And the stars? They're not too far out, either, clocking in at around 3,100 miles up. 

  So how does this all add up? Simple: the Earth is the center of the entire universe, and everything is moving around us. Just ask noted flat-Earth expert Eric Dubay, author of The Flat Earth Conspiracy, who claims that time-lapse photography proves it all:

  “Star trail time-lapse photography is absolute proof that Earth is the stationary center of the universe around which everything in the sky revolves. If the Earth’s supposed motion was what caused the star trail effect, Earth would have to be performing daily 360 loop-de-loops, inverting upside down, coming back around, and NOT rotating on an axis, otherwise the same stars would not remain visible in the sky for well over 12 hours (as they do), and would all move across the sky horizontally! The fact that we can see the same stars all night long revolving perfect circles around Polaris proves it is the stars moving relative to a fixed [Earth].”
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  (#8) The Horizon Is Perfectly Even

  That curve you've seen in NASA's photographs of the horizon? It's a lie. Flat-Earthers subscribe to the notion that NASA takes the "true" images of the flat world and implements a curve in them through digital wizardry.
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  (#9) If the Earth Were Round, Airplanes Would Fly Into Space

  Flat-Earthers believe that, if the Earth were round, pilots would have to continually nose their airplanes down, or else they would fly straight into outer space, rather than around the curve of the Earth.

  The fact that airplanes do not have to continually move downwards, they argue, shows that the Earth is flat.
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  (#10) Other Planets Are Flat, But Could Also Just Be Conspiracies, Too

  If you're a flat-Earther, it's probably best not to trust the image above. Why? Because not only does Jupiter not look like this according to flat-Earth societies, but also because that image was sourced from NASA, which is clearly just a company of professional hoaxers. 

  While most of us could easily identify the above as the planet Jupiter, "planets," in fact, are points of contention among many flat-Earthers. Some say other planets do indeed exist, and are simply disc-shaped planes just like Earth, while others cling to the belief that, since all space photos are faked, the existence of other planets must be as well. 
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  (#11) Satellites Don't Exist

  Photoshop strikes again! Sorry, globe-heads, there's no such thing as satellites, apparently, despite the fact there are actually about 3,600 out there. Instead, all images of satellites - even ones taken in space - are actually CGI composites.

  As for explaining radio, TV, and GPS signals, there is (unsurprisingly) no concrete answer from the flat-Earth club.
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  (#12) The Zetetic Method - Anything Is Possible if You Just Believe

  So how anyone could believe the Earth is flat? As Samuel Birley Rowbotham explains in Zetetic Astronomy: Earth Not a Globe, the answer is actually pretty simple: to flat-Earthers, our planet looks and feels flat. The teachings of the Zetetic Method are remarkably easy: trust your instincts.

  If one can't see the curve of the Earth, then there is no curve. And if one can feel themselves walking in a straight line, then the Earth must be flat. No scientific investigation needed.

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