Random Cringeworthy Thanksgiving Day Family Stories (20 items)

• (#8) That's One Way To Get Your Learner's Permit

  From Redditor /u/dopplerton:

  When I was 14 my family decided to go out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. This restaurant in question served all sorts of cutesy martinis - appletinis, mochatinis, you name it, it had a "-tini" in the name.

  Six or seven rounds later, everyone was so drunk that they cried. I was also allotted quite a few sips so for a very naïve 14-year-old I was pretty drunk. They decided that I was the soberest out of everyone there (and I'm pretty sure I was) so they made me drive them all back to my aunt's house. I basically learned to drive right then. Keep in mind the "car" was my aunt's house-sized SUV that went from 0-to-60 in maybe two hours. I had no idea what the f*ck I was doing but somehow I got everyone home.

  No one ever, ever talks about that night. However, when I passed my driving test two years later, I got a lot of responses along the line of, "We all knew you'd pass!" Uh yeah, flooring it down the freeway as a sloshed 14-year-old teaches you pretty f*cking quick.
• (#19) Mom's On A Roll

  From Redditor /u/PurpleFlower99:

  Passing the basket of dinner rolls and a candle caught the napkin under the rolls on fire. Grabbed the basket and rushed to the sink to put water on it and my mom is yelling, "Save the rolls!"
• (#2) Polly Wants A Witness

  From Redditor /u/ImVerySerious:

  In the 1990s. Having the neighbors over for Thanksgiving dinner. Everything is going wonderfully and the conversation turns to Thanksgivings past when the neighbor lady says, "Thanksgivings are always a little sad for me now. It was on Thanksgiving that I found my pet parrot of 20 years dead in his cage."

  We all sympathize and I ask, "How did he die? Was it old age?" And she says she didn't know. "He was a young healthy bird who was his active, talkative self just the night before."

  Then her adult son, from across the table says, "He died because he was poisoned." The mom says, "What?!" While calmly eating his dinner, he says, "F*cking thing wouldn't shut up that night, so I poured some insecticide or something into his water dish."

  There are probably 16 people at the table just slack-jawed. The mom bursts into tears and runs out of the house and the son just sits there like nothing at all happened. It still comes up every year.
• (#4) You're No Longer Excused

  From Redditor /u/SirFuzzyLogik666:

  The most awkward family dinner that I've ever had was two years ago at my grandpa's house. It was a nice Thanksgiving day and everyone was waiting for the food to be done. When the food was done, we all sat down and began our meal. I didn't really say anything for the most part. But for some reason I had this constant hard-on that I just couldn't get rid of. So I just stood up, took my phone from the middle of the table and took off for the bathroom. After I pleased myself... I returned to the kitchen.

  To my surprise, everyone was staring at me almost horror-like. I asked everyone what was up but no one said anything. No one talked the rest of the dinner. I kinda knew what happened. I found out later that I was making a little to much noise in the bathroom. I actually looked at my phone and realized the volume was up 65%! And to make thing worse... let's just say I didn't do too good of a job cleaning up.
• (#15) Passing Gas (Around)

  From Redditor /u/samthecat1021:

  I forget what year or how old I was, but it was a terrible experience. So, at the kids' table, we were all sitting around, [and] everybody was silent when all of a sudden my cousin dropped a fork. Everyone, including people at the adult table, looked over at him. I happened to be sitting next to him, so all the eyes were in my direction when all of a sudden I let out the loudest fart I've ever heard. Everyone thought it was him.

  Once everyone's laughing died down, something from the adult table let out another giant fart. More laughter. My aunt stood up to go refill her plate a couple seconds later, and she all of a sudden tripped and BOOM into the floor. Then she farted. It was quite the experience.
• (#3) You Should Cut This Aunt Off

  From Redditor /u/planification:

  I had trouble pronouncing the letters L and R as a kid. Apparently, my tongue is larger than normal. So sitting around the living room after Thanksgiving dinner when I was five, around 1990, I overheard my aunt talking with another family member about my lisp: "They should just take him in and have his tongue clipped. That's what I'd do if it were my kids." The conversation eventually switched to my wheelchair-bound older brother. Sure enough, my aunt had another opinion: "I don't see why they don't just put him in a home."

  Fast forward 20 years, and she's still at it. Two years ago at Christmas, she bought matching princess pajamas for my two female cousins, "Katie" (10) and "Emma" (8). Katie has been a bigger girl since she was born. She goes out for sports, and her parents watch what she eats, but so far nothing has worked. Anyway, Katie opened up the box of pajamas with excitement in her eyes. She tried to put on the pajamas, and they didn't fit. Everyone carries on the conversation until my aunt commented from across the room, "Katie, those are for your sister. You'd have to do a few more sit-ups before they would fit."

  A unanimous death-stare fell onto my aunt. Katie's mom (also my aunt) pulled her into another room to make sure she was okay. Everyone else in the room forced some small talk to avoid a scene and the gift unwrapping continued, as if nothing happened.

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