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(#8) She Stayed Out Late And Deleted Texts
From Redditor /u/ugatz:
My ex was going out more than usual and would stay out late. She would find excuses to have to "go to work," sometimes not returning until very late at night.
I couldn't ever see or touch her cell phone. If it rang she talked outside and texts were always deleted.
Needless to say I hacked her phone, and keylogged her computer to get her social networking and email passwords to obtain the visual and audible proof I needed to [prove she was cheating.]
Pretty obvious she was cheating but I needed to prove it so she would accept the fact I knew the truth.
This was just one example among many other things unrelated to cheating, but solidified the marriage was going to end soon.
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(#1) Cookie Sheets Masked A Larger Problem
From a former Redditor:
[S]he didn't like the way I loaded the dishwasher. I was loading it one night and she wasn't pleased with how the cookie sheets were in there. I may have pointed out how she was being an insufferable b*tch, then suddenly I was a "lazy drunk" (even though I WAS loading the dishwasher).
That somehow turned into how marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life, and I turned that sh*t back around on her and told HER that marrying HER was the biggest mistake of my life, etc. Moved out the next day.
The story did have a happy ending: the cookie sheets turned out spotless despite her criticisms...
The marriage was on the rocks before it started, really. [We] married because of kids, but somehow we convinced ourselves that things were fine. We just kinda floated through it. It was that one instance where all of the pent-up aggression and resentment exploded.
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(#19) They Didn't Discuss The Future In Enough Detail
From Redditor /u/RedTheWolf:
I was too young (married at 23 to a 30-year-old) and we simply couldn't make it work - we became different people from when we first got together and had a fairly amicable split.
One of our main problems was that we had never really discussed the future properly (in detail, not just,"Ooh, won't it be nice when we're old!"), and I think we both assumed a lot about the other's priorities. For example, I am very urban and he wanted us to move to the countryside. Neither of us was "wrong"; we simply weren't right for each other.
So the advice I would give is make sure you actually talk about what you both want and don't just assume things will work out, because they might not.
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(#24) They Had Different Levels Of Seriousness
From Redditor /u/myonkin:
My ex and I were absolutely incompatible. She was too serious and I was too childish.
That was probably the 30th dimension eHarmony didn't check for.
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(#25) He Refused To Seek Counseling Help
From a former Redditor:
He had a ton of problems. But the reason I left was he refused to admit he had them, and refused to seek help. He refused an ultimatum for couples counseling. I left. He started counseling the next week. Too late. I already had my own place.
He had unresolved deep anger issues. Was an alcoholic. Was a hoarder...
Refused to feed the cats or help with the litter (although he demanded he keep them when we separated, and despite the fact that we got the second cat for his daughter).
Said we couldn't afford to get a dog, despite our $100,000-plus combined income.
In seven years refused to take a vacation with me - couldn't afford it... Meanwhile he took two vacations (two weeks each) without me, then three months after I left him he took a month off and went to New Zealand... Somehow throughout all this I had convinced myself that he loved me, and kept putting up with sh*t. I have no idea why.
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(#27) She And Her Family Always Had To Be Right
From Redditor /u/bubonis:
Divorce pending...
If I had to put a single reason on display, it would be: my wife can't stop lying to herself.
I say this because, at the base of everything, that's what it is. In every single argument we've had I'll present my facts and my evidence. She will agree with them all. I'll present my conclusion. She'll disagree with my conclusion. When I ask her to give me an alternate conclusion while still keeping those facts into account, she is unable to - but that doesn't mean that my conclusion is any less valid to her.
Her "real family" - her mother and siblings - are more important to her than anything else, including her relationship with me, our family as a unit, my trust in her, and my love for her (which is long gone). I can cite a hundred different examples of this. She will dispute none of them, but will still always come back to me being wrong.
"I wish you can see things from my perspective" is her current go-to response, yet when I thoroughly explain her perspective to her - showing her that I do, in fact, see things from her perspective - she agrees that I do understand her perspective while at the same time not being able to come up with a viable alternative.
My wife and her family are incapable of seeing themselves as anything less than perfect and guiltless. They feel no remorse for anything they've done to destroy this relationship. My wife will do nothing to press the issue because that would imply her admission that they were all somehow at fault, and she can't have that.
I used to hate them all. Now I don't hate them, but I do think that their existence is a waste of natural resources.
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About This Tool
Marriage is a decision made by two people holding hands for a lifetime, but with the passage of time, people will find that marriage in real life is different from it in fairy tales. At this time, it is easy for couples to face a period of the cold war, and some long-term unresolved conflicts will often eventually lead to divorce.
Every marriage will have ups and downs, but when these ups and downs become too big or too frequent, you need to look more closely at the direction of your life and marriage. The random tool lists 27 red flags in a marriage that people should watch out for.
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