Random Experiences Of Former Participants In 'Purity Culture' (16 items)

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  (#5) One Woman Went Into Anaphylactic Shock During Intercourse

  From a person who spoke with Linda Kay Klein, author of Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free: 

  And then, I distinctly remember him saying, "Wait, there is... What's on your back?" I reached around and it felt like an enormous mosquito bite the size of your palm. And then I looked and they were on my arms, like this [in real-time, the speaker shows Klein the size of the welts by taking half of a large orange peel and placing it over herself]. And I am watching them rise on my stomach, on my breasts, like a horror movie. And then my coughing - I was struggling to breath, to catch air...

  Not one person can make sense of what happened. The most anyone can tell me is that I might have a mild version of some kind of allergy - maybe to cat fur on his bed or some kind of lubricant on the condom. But I mean, these are really stretches. Some people I've told the story to have suspected the photojournalist tried to roofie me, and it went wrong. But I did not have any food or drink with him that day. All of it remains a perfect jet-black mystery.
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  (#4) Hugging Was A Sin At This Church

  From Redditor /u/DashSyri:

  At my church growing up, it was sinful to just be checking someone else out. Christian side-hugs was a must. One paster caught me hugging one of my co-workers who I ran into in my early 20s. He made the off-handed comment, calling them boob hug, and warned me I was in danger. Dating in high school was forbidden unless you were courting someone. Which [led] a friend that I grew up with proposing to his high school crush so they could just date.

  I took my prom date to church and was told, "Don’t trade your destiny for [pleasure]." The ministry during my adult years encouraged that you shouldn't even kiss before marriage. I lived with guilt and shame for years and felt that I had screwed my entire life up for making out with a girl in my early 20s.

  This madness got even crazier when a family, who was housing an engaged bible college student, got their 15-year-old daughter pregnant - which is below the age of consent in the state I was in. Her family sent her out of state during her pregnancy and then she had to give up her child for adoption. When she came back I heard people claiming that she seduced him rather than calling him a [predator].

  Then the biggest pain and regret I have was when I did have [relations] for the first time in my mid 20s with my girlfriend - we both lived with other church members. She confessed to her roommate... and she demanded that we both confess to the pastor or [her roommate] would rat us out. The pastor told us that we had to get married, but we needed to have accountability partners so it doesn't happen again, and if it does we would be kicked out of the church. I still look back at this [and] think of how ridiculous it is.
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  (#1) This Woman Learned To Be Ashamed Of Her Body

  From Redditor /u/lunazeus:

  Purity culture destroyed my self-esteem because older people in church told me I couldn't wear tank tops and shorts like my friends because I had [a chest] and curves at 11. "It might cause your Christian brothers to stumble." Well, maybe creepy Mr. Mike, the usher, shouldn't be [fantasizing about] an 11-year-old girl. But no, it was my fault. I got in trouble so many times for the clothes I wore innocently because I wanted to be like my friends who just happened to not be developing the same way I was.

  I was still a child. There were always extra rules for me. We all had to wear one-piece bathing suits to church camp, but I was told to put a t-shirt on, too. So most of the time, I just didn't swim. What kid wants to swim in a t-shirt?

  I hid my body behind oversized clothes and didn't dress cute or enjoy fashion for years because I didn't want to be a stumbling block. I'm lucky that I wised up and got out of it so my self-esteem and confidence could be on the mend, but I look back at my teenage and childhood self, and I feel terrible because of the way adults made me feel ashamed of my body. If I have a daughter, I will never expose her to that. It nearly destroyed me.
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  (#15) This Church Taught That Premarital Sex Haunts You Even After You Are Happily Married With Kids

  From Redditor /u/JarethOfHouseGoblin:

  The Christian group I was part of a few years ago had a sermon on [intimate] immorality. The speaker that night was a student leader. He did the Christian dude-bro humble-brag thing of admitting to taking a former girlfriend to the boneyard, but being totally remorseful about it, of course. For Jesus. Then telling us that his former girlfriend is now married with kids, and she'll "have to carry that with her for the rest of her life."

  Had I not already been in the [de-conversion] process, that would have flipped the "this is bullsh*t" switch in my brain. Along with the fact that, after the sermon, we had to read the anonymous postings about the various acts of immorality committed by the organization members. They were taped to the walls and we had to walk by to read them like we were going through the world's sh*ttiest haunted house. It was mind-bending what people thought was worthy of an anonymous confession. I wish I did know who they were so I could tell them that they're just people and are not deeply broken.
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  (#8) This Woman Based Her Worth In Her Marriage On Sex

  From Redditor /u/gasoleen:

  My non-Christian husband had past partners; I didn't. Literally from day one of our honeymoon, I was depressed because I felt like I would never measure up to more experienced girls he'd been with. Imagine quietly crying yourself to sleep most nights of your honeymoon because: a) you can't get your stupid recently de-virginized body to do what you think his past girlfriends did (i.e., what p*rn stars do); and b) you have to hide your sorrow from your husband because you feel like exposing him to this insecurity would make you seem even less sexy compared to his past partners.

  Bonus: c) If/when you go through a dry spell in your marriage, you immediately assume he's no longer attracted to you because he wishes you looked like his past partners, who will forever remain in their late-teens and 20s in his memories. And you don't tell him this, again, because you're afraid admitting the insecurity will make you even less [libidinous].
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  (#2) Someone Taught Them That Women Don't Enjoy Intercourse

  From Redditor /u/curse-the-wind:

  Purity culture makes women feel broken and guilty for having a sex drive rather than viewing [it] as a distasteful duty that must be fulfilled for her husband.

  I was taught women just didn't enjoy [intercourse] like men. It was something to endure for the sake of men. Imagine my confusion when I discovered I really f*cking liked it.

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