Random Funniest Lines in Christmas Movies (16 items)

(#15) A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas
- John Cho, Kal Penn, Danneel Ackles, Paula Garcés, Thomas Lennon, Danny Trejo, Elias Koteas, Eddie Kaye Thomas, David Krumholtz, Patton Oswalt, Bobby Lee, Melissa Ordway, Tristan Canning, Amir Blumenfeld, Isabella Gielniak
Harold: "I shot Santa Claus in the face! He's real, and I shot him in the face!"
(#5) Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
- Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Catherine O'Hara, John Heard, Devin Ratray, Tim Curry, Brenda Fricker, Eddie Bracken, Gerry Bamman, Kieran Culkin, Rob Schneider, Bob Eubanks, Ally Sheedy, Ron Canada
Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir!
Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. You was here last night too, wasn 't you?
Mr. Hector: Yes, sir. I was.
Johnny: You was here and you was smooching with my brother.
Mr. Hector: You're mistaken, sir!
Johnny: Don't give me that. You've smooched everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg. Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff...
Cedric & Maureen: (GASPS)
Mr: Hector: No! It's a lie!
Johnny: I could go on forever, baby.
Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid you're mistaken! We're looking for a young man.
Johnny: All right, I believe you... but my Tommy gun don't.
All: (GASPS)
Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. On your knees.
All: I love you!
Johnny: (LAUGHS) You gotta do better than that!
All: I love you!
Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinge, but I believe you. That's why I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna give you till the count of three to get your lousy, lying, low-down, four-flushing carcass out my door. One! Two!
TV: (GUNFIRE)
Johnny: Three. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.
(#10) Trading Places
- Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche, Denholm Elliott, Kristin Holby, Paul Gleason, Jamie Lee Curtis, Alfred Drake, Bo Diddley, Frank Oz, Jim Belushi
Randolph: "Ezra! Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are..."
Ezra: "Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies... by myself."
Mortimer: "Half of it is from me."
Ezra: "Thank you, Mr. Mortimer." (mouths silently) "A**hole."
(#13) Jingle All the Way
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad, Martin Mull, Jake Lloyd, Jim Belushi, Harvey Korman, Laraine Newman
Myron Larabee: "...and then they sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children's' minds out! And I know what I'm talking about because I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology so I'm right in there, I know what's going on. They make the kids feel like garbage and you, the father, who's working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office, but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic."

Howard: "Put that cookie down. NOW!"
(#16) Arthur Christmas
- James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie, Bill Nighy, Jim Broadbent, Imelda Staunton, Ashley Jensen, Marc Wootton, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Ramona Marquez, Michael Palin, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Robbie Coltrane, Joan Cusack, Rhys Darby, Jane Horrocks, Iain McKee, Andy Serkis, Dominic West
Elf (at North Pole Command Center): "Waker! We have a waker! And Santa's in there!"
Child (sits up in bed): "Santa? Are you here?"
(#3) 'A Christmas Story' - Deranged Easter Bunny

Adult Ralphie: Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion under the illusion that I was not only fours year-old but also a girl.
Mrs. Parker: She just always gives you the nicest things Ralphie. Oh my - Oh, isn't that sweet. Ralph, go upstairs and try it on.
Ralphie: I don't want to.
Mrs. Parker: Go upstairs right now and try on that present. She went to all that trouble to make it. Now go on. . . Ralphie, we're waiting!
Ralphie: Come on, Mom.
Mrs. Parker: Right now!
Adult Ralphie: Immediately, my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with the blue button eyes stared sappily up at me.
Mrs. Parker: Oh, my - Come down so I can see you better.
Adult Ralphie: I just hoped that Flick would never spot 'em, as the word of this humiliation could easily make life at Warren G. Harding School a veritable hell.
Mrs. Parker: Oh, isn't that cute! That is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life!

[Randy laughs]

Ralphie: Shut up.
Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.