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(#6) They Don't Talk About Money
From Redditor /u/WholeMilkStandard:
If you're marrying someone with a sh*tty credit score, you should know how and why they ended up with it, lest you find yourself in their shoes very quickly. A credit score can cost thousands and take years to rebuild. Know if they have any tax liens or liability.
Are they paying child support, and do they have any kind of garnishment? Who is going to be responsible for managing the finances? How many credit cards does the other person have and what are their balances? I've seen money kill a lot of marriages.
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(#7) They Don't Discuss Intimacy
From Redditor /u/WholeMilkStandard:
Another one a lot of people don't think of is actually talking about [intimacy], not just having [intimate relations]. Do you enjoy the [intimacy] you have? Would you like to have more of it? Less? Would you like to see it change?
Do you or the other person have any weird [preferences]? Just have the talk. Different... wavelengths can be difficult to reconcile.
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(#4) They Assume Their Partner Knows How They're Feeling
From Redditor /u/natgoeshome:
Expecting that because your significant other knows you better than others and is around you most, that they are aware of all of your thoughts and feelings. Your partner is not psychic, and no matter how often they are around you, or how well they know you, they cannot pick up on every nuance to determine how you are feeling and how they should respond.
That is called emotional babysitting, and it cascades into a host of problems and unnecessary hurt.
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(#5) They Try To Be Right In Every Situation
From Redditor /u/WhyAreYouUpsideDown:
[The] No. 1 problem I see is overactive threat response creating anger and rigidity. People don’t stop to turn down their defense mode, and lose sight of love because all their energy is going toward being right or controlling the outcome. Of course that control comes from a place of fear, but fear and vulnerability feel too dangerous, so it typically gets expressed as anger, frustration, or rigidity.
Surrender to not having control, accept what’s in front of you, and cultivate compassion. Please. Because y’all rigid couples who just can’t prioritize empathizing with each other over your fear response are driving me nuts!
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(#11) They Don't Fight Fair
From Redditor /u/probablynotapreacher:
People don't learn to fight. You have to fight fair in a relationship. People go nuts when they get mad, and some couples never learn to fight in a way that honors the person you are fighting with. It is so important to learn to respect space, don't assume motives, and take turns in explaining your views.
It's a big deal and I work on it quite a bit in counseling.
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(#15) They Get Married Too Young
From Redditor /u/BellicoseBelle:
Getting married young. I keep having married clients in their mid-20s with three kids who are now realizing 19 was really young to be married. They say they miss the opportunities they never had to date, have [intimate] partners besides their spouse, and not have to take care of their kids at such a young age, etc.
Also, a lot of my clients got married young for religious reasons, then one of them begins to question their faith, which is difficult for both.
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About This Tool
It's no secret that lasting and stable relationships take effort. There is not a formal that describes the skills, strategies, and ingredients necessary for a successful relationship. Everyone has different ways of communicating and getting along in different relationships. In the search for a healthy relationship, many couples try to avoid the same mistakes their parents made. These efforts may be helpful, but they may not prevent the couple from making mistakes.
Some marriage counselors and therapists have seen many couples make the same relationship mistakes. You could find 16 of the biggest mistakes couples make in this random tool.
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