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(#7) Not Letting Daughter Introduce Her African American BF To Grandparents
From /u/mixedwoes:
Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.
My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.
My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.
As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.
Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for Christ's sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an a** and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.
No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an a**hole?
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(#12) Staging A Kidnapping For My Girlfriend's Birthday
From /u/escaperoomdisaster:
Some Background is my fiancé, Becca is an escape room fanatic. We have taken vacations centered around escape rooms, she loves them that much. She is very good at them and so when my friend started an Escape Room business, he actually hired Becca to consult for him and his business is a hit.
So he recently started this "Escape Van" service which is basically like a rolling party van/escape room. He asked me if Becca would like to try it out. I had one better since her birthday was yesterday, why don't we surprise her. He was totally on board. This is where things got a little dicey.
So we went to see John Wick and when we walked out Beggy (my friend) and I agreed that his van would be outside "throw" us in and let us sample the escape puzzle on the way to his business. So this is exactly what happened, only one of his employees got a little rough with me so I sort of yelped as he was tossing me in the van. Becca lost it. Even though the guide started in his spiel "you are now captives of the XXX Co. Escape van, to get out you will need to solve five consecutive puzzles..." I mean you get the idea. Well Becca didn't hear any of it, she was just sobbing and when we started rolling it was even worse. We hit stop sign in the movie theater parking lot and Becca literally shoved the guy out of the way, opened the door to the van and took the f*ck off into the Dave and Busters next to the movie theater. She even dropped her phone in the street on the way out and stopped to pick it up an screamed at me "run you f*cking idiot!" So Dave and Busters security called 911 and within 2 minutes there were cop cars everywhere. It took us maybe five minutes to sort everything out and the cops basically screamed at me and Beggy (who was driving the van) that this was the stupidest thing he's ever heard of and he's lucky that its Saturday and they wont have time to deal with us.
Becca is so furious with me. She hasn't spoken to me other than to say she was sleeping on the couch. She has given me the cold shoulder all morning. She has never been this mad and wont speak to me even if I ask her to please tell me whats wrong.
To me, I had a good idea but the execution really sucked. Was I the a**hole here?
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(#14) Missing My Daughter's Award Ceremony
From /u/waltzingaway78:
I’ve been a single mom to two kids since they were 6 and 4 - their dad passed away. Around that time, my son was formally diagnosed as autistic. He’s not very verbal and prone to physical outbursts when he has a meltdown. He’s been in therapies of every kind for his entire life and it’s helped somewhat.
Their dad had a life insurance policy which allowed me to stay home as my son’s main caregiver while working freelance, but money was tight and finding anyone capable of watching him has always been a challenge.
My daughter was graduating from college last year. A week before the ceremony, she had an awards ceremony for academic achievement. I was obviously incredibly proud of her. She asked me to come to it and I said I would.
Her college is two hours from here. I hired a trained sitter who specializes in autism the day of the ceremony. Right as I was about to leave, my son had a meltdown and was lashing out at the sitter. I couldn’t leave, and he wasn’t calm for hours. I’d left my daughter a voicemail saying I wasn’t going to be able to make it.
She called back that night absolutely livid. She called me a shitty mother, said I had two kids but only cared about one, that I’d missed every game and performance she’d had as a child and it clearly wasn’t going to change as adults and that she was just done. She said she knows he can’t help it, but her brother is incapable of showing empathy and it made it hard to be around him without resenting him. She hung up and that was it. I’ve barely spoken with her since. She didn’t send tickets for the graduation we were supposed to go to the next week. She hasn’t shown up for holidays and I’ve heard she’s engaged but didn’t call to tell me. She’s cut us out, and in the one of three times we’ve spoken since she said it’s easier for her to not have us around than be disappointed and that being alone at events is nothing new for her, she just doesn’t have to bother getting her hopes up I might come now.
Am I the a**hole? I’ve offered family counselling and all other manner of things. I know I wasn’t a perfect mom growing up - I didn’t make it to her things, but not for lack of caring. I’m heartbroken but I don’t think me not showing up in an emergency should have lost me my daughter forever.
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(#16) Serving A Pregnant Woman A Non-Alcoholic Cocktail
From /u/YouGottaStopThat:
I have waited tables for the last three years.
During my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. They were a pleasure to have as customers. They ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees.
When I was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, I walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. When I rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. I figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. They ordered their entrees and I went off to handle other tables.
About five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. At this point I started getting concerned, but I took the order and cheerfully said I'd be right back. This time, I went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. He was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, I told him to just trust me.
A few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and Mrs. Pregnant Woman was also getting into it. I figured that since she didn't notice, things were OK. The problem came when I took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. When Mrs. Pregnant Woman got to the counter, I saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). My bartender had edited each in the system for inventory.
It was too late for me to edit them back, so I just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. They all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. They were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an Uber.
Several minutes later Mrs. Pregnant Woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. I fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. She blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. I said no, but told her that I assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. It was a lame lie and I'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. I did so. Then she talked to my manager. My manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse.
I stood my ground and told her that I'm not going to be responsible for FAS. She told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. She also informed me that I could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct.
But when I talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. The entire staff at the restaurant is against me and I think that I'm going to call in and tell my manager that I quit, but I still feel in the right here. I would like some perspective on this and if I'm the a**hole here.
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(#11) For Giving My Son The Cold Shoulder
From /u/1988M:
I’m 40M, my wife is 39F, son in 15.
Yesterday when it was dinner time I called him to come downstairs few times. He didn’t answer me so I assumed that he didn’t hear me. I went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. After 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so I walked in his room. I knocked first. He was obviously crying. I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so I didn’t push him more.
I went downstairs and told my wife about it. She went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. She came back and brought him food upstairs. When I asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. I got kind of upset because I want to know what was wrong and I’m his parent as well.
I haven’t been fully ignoring them but I’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. My wife got mad at said that I was acting extremely immature.
Am I the a**hole?
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(#4) Asking My Ex's Daughter To Stop Calling Me "Dad"
From a former Redditor:
I was with my ex for seven years. At the time she had a 2-year-old, and when we split, her daughter was 9-years-old. She called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. I thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. It was amicable and we're still friends.
Her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. My ex hasn't started dating again but I'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. We all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. I'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but I was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, I still kept involved in her life).
My fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. We want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. I can see her point although I'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, but I must relent to my fiancee's wishes because I'm not staunchly opposed to her thoughts or anything.
I'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. But would I be the a**hole?
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