Random People Describe What It's Like To Date A Narcissist (15 items)

• (#10) She Couldn't Talk About Anything But Herself

  From Redditor /u/DrDiarrhea:

  It was a short relationship.

  The first thing I noticed was that she could only talk about herself. I mean, literally nothing else. No talk of politics, art, entertainment, animals..just her..It's like other people did not even exist. She only seemed interested in me in terms of what I could do for her: Ego boost, money, someone to brag to.

  The second thing was the "orbiters"..other dudes that were trying to [sleep with] her/date her. That's not totally unusual. What was unusual was the fact that she liked to archive all their texts and show me. Even on the first date.

  Lastly, the gold digging. She started asking for money and large amounts of it within 2 months..uhhhh. F*ck no. She saw people as a means to an end.
• (#8) She Made Them Think Everything Was Their Fault

  From Redditor /u/aesop_fables:

  I've wrote about this quite a few times but I dated a narcissist for 10 years. How'd it end? My mind being completely warped and me finally seeking the help needed to get over the mental [manipulation]. You honestly don't realize it's going on while you're in it but you do know something isn't right. You're constantly thinking it's your fault, however. Traits? Hmm

  1. She didn't care about me at all. She told me one time "I don't think I should have to ask you how your day was or how you're doing." When you do start talking about things involving you she became very uninterested and would change the topic to herself.

  2. Takes absolutely no blame for anything! You walk in on her and some dude balls deep inside her (never happened to me just an example) she would probably say something like it's your fault this happened because you didn't do (insert literally anything here) enough.

  3. Expects to be taken care of.

  4. Has no friends. What I mean by this is she knew a TON of people but had no friends. She had a new "best friend" every 3 months. When asked why it was "their fault". They were crazy or they did something to her and she doesn't want to talk to them again.

  5. Almost always cheaters and she lied about everything. If you asked if her coffee was hot she would say no. If you asked if it was raining outside she would say no even if it was pouring down. She naturally lied first then corrected herself through some excuse later.

  I could go on and on and on. Biggest take away is gaslighting is VERY real. The mental mind f*ck that you go through is also VERY real. If you're going through it and you feel [stupid] for falling for that sh*t I hear you but it's not your fault. I literally hid my issues because I was so embarrassed that I could fall for her sh*t. But I did. I went to a therapist and two years later I'm MUCH MUCH better.
• (#9) She Didn't Want Him Hanging Out With His Friends

  From Redditor /u/cokeiscool:

  Bad, she was the first girl I felt that I was truly falling for and I fell for her hard and fast, so from the beginning I just rode with it.

  She was the type of girl who was do as I say not as I do.

  So for example, one of the easiest way she got me was with, "Why hang out with your friends who are a bunch of guys when you can hang out with this very attractive girl(her)" and my response "Okay! I mean it makes sense!"

  So off we go three months in and either im hanging out with her, staying up late to bring her dinner at the hospital(she was a doctor) or having her with me when I went out to hang with people.

  Another thing that she convinced me was I should apologize in every argument because even if im right I need to be the bigger man and apologize so I can go back to having fun with her... I did that too.

  When we broke up she hit me with one more very wise words of wisdom. Quick backstory, we broke after our first real argument where I got upset and was not budging to apologize because she hurt me and needed to realize it but never did, end back story.

  After we broke up, I tried to reconcile(Im weak) and when we met up for lunch she said she was never ever getting back with me and it was because she saw the real me, that all men are just mean little people. She said something along the lines of "Well I know I can get very dramatic, but you knew that from the beginning, when I saw you pull out your talons for the first time, I knew we were done"

  She was bad for me in every way, she clearly wanted a guy who she could manipulate and never talk back to her. Her sister is married to a guy like that, so she saw that and probably wanted exactly the same.

  I miss her and I hate myself for missing her...
• (#2) He Tried To Make Himself Appear 'Safe' With Feminist Comments

  From Redditor /u/what-a-freaking-mess:

  Fairly attractive. Very confident speaker, enjoyed arguing and debate, reasonably intelligent. Occasionally made noises about being a feminist/calling out misogynistic bs (I think he did it bc it made him look "safe"). Calculated risk-taker. Swagger.

  Part of his hook was, then, to confide in you about his troubled past, abusive childhood [and] ex-fiancee, etc - a heady combination of cocky and damaged. "I've never told anyone else this," was a pretty key phrase (spoiler: he told all the girls this, that's how he lured in all his prey).

  Later on, after I bailed, I found out that he lied a lot - big things, small things, total pathological liar. Also, when thinking about things he said/did in retrospect, I realized that a lot of it was really... sketch and that I'd excused it bc of pants-feelings.

  So, fact check.

  And don't let your pants-feelings rationalize away weird sh*t.
• (#3) His Odd Smile And Behavior Were Like Jack Nicholson In 'The Shining'

  From Redditor /u/____nyx____:

  Tall, strong, handsome. He had an All-American wholesomeness to him, 6’4”, a body I still think about with blue green eyes and a smile that I can only describe as disarming. And yet...it was a very odd smile, tinged with cruelty. He had a Jack Nicholson in The Shining vibe I was drawn to at the time. Even then the red flags were waving wildly. He came off as awkward and goofy, trying to downplay the sex appeal he knows he oozes. He was the strangest person I’ve ever met. We went dancing on our first date and the [intense affection] started that very night. I wasn’t super interested at first but he loved the chase. He’s a social worker and that really got me to trust him wholeheartedly. I truly believed he was one of the good people in this world. Sadly I realized that wasn’t the case.

  I think most everybody has good and bad in them, but looking back I’m not sure there really was any genuine good in him. I fell in love with a person I created in my mind. I liked that he read books and listen to podcasts and had good taste in interesting music, but he was also closed off. He was the ultimate authority on what was cool and what wasn’t. That always used to drive me crazy about him. For somebody who makes his living helping others he could be very judgmental and cold. Toward the end when he got a big promotion the power got to him. The discard happened shortly after...life just seems like a game to him. I was just another piece he knocked off the board to get to a better position.

  Nothing about him was ever real, he was like one of those illusions sailors used to see when they spent too much time on the open water. A Fata Morgana shimmering in the distance.
• (#6) The Relationship Lasted Seven Months Before They Realized His Narcissism

  From Redditor /u/rainbowshummingbird:

  My nex was a quiet, well mannered, intelligent, nerdy, attorney. He was not super charismatic and he was not that physically attractive. Because of how smart he was, it ended up taking me a while to figure out that he was a narc. Over time people reveal their real selves. It took about seven months for me to become aware that he was a lying, manipulative, passive aggressive, selfish narc.

  It was not easy, early on, to determine that he was a narc; but there were a few signs that I chose to disregard. When we first dated, I was largely unaware of the covert narcissist’s tactics. Hopefully, I am now better prepared to understand the signs and behaviors.

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