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(#6) David Wooderson
- Dazed and Confused
In Dazed and Confused, David Wooderson, played by Matthew McConaughey, is a major lothario – or so he wants people to think. The way Wooderson acts throughout the film, with his whole "I get older they stay the same age" thing, and his insistence on giving women weird nicknames, makes you wonder if he’s ever even kissed a girl.
It’s safe to say most alpha males who make a big deal about their sexual conquests have never actually done half of what they say they have. Wooderson is definitely guilty of this crime.
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(#14) Xander Cage
- xXx, XXX: The Return of Xander Cage
The man, the myth, the bald, Xander Cage is always shown in spicy situations with super sexy ladies. But do you think he’s actually having sex with any of them? Cage honestly seems like he’s more interested in wearing insane coats than getting busy.
If you’re a real X-head, you’re probably saying, “Xander Cage slept with a bunch of models in London in xXX: Return of Xander Cage!” Here’s the thing: there's no evidence he did anything other than literally sleep with them. Cage is such a dork that he most likely stayed up all night chatting about everyone’s hopes and dreams rather than having rooftop group sex like any spy worth his salt.
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(#12) Douglas Quaid
- Total Recall, Total Recall
Total Recall follows Douglas Quaid (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), a seemingly regular guy who goes on a memory implant vacation via the Rekall company. But then he remembers that he's actually a secret agent who's trying to save Mars.
That’s if you’re take the film at face value. It also works if the entire film happens inside Quaid's head. It could all be the fantasy of an uptight construction worker who doesn’t know how to take a break, let alone get intimate. This totally explains why the movie is full of action hero garbage and women with too many breasts wearing super tight clothes. This is definitely a guy who’s never had sex.
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(#13) Bruce Wayne
- Justice League, The Batman, Batman: Under the Red Hood, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2, Batman: Gotham Knight, Batman vs. Superman, Batman
Bruce Wayne is the ultimate alpha male. He’s James Bond meets Bruce Lee dressed as a gothic monster. He seemingly never sleeps, he’s always solving crimes, and he’s in amazing shape – but to do all of those things, he’s definitely never had time to have sex. That whole "billionaire playboy" thing is definitely an act.
When you think about it, Batman’s virginity is probably what powers his crime fighting abilities. If he were having any kind of sex he wouldn't be nearly as angry.
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(#5) Daniel Plainview
- There Will Be Blood
There Will Be Blood’s Daniel Plainview may drink up your milkshake, but he’s never drank up anything else, you know? Not only is he a vile human being, but he’s completely obsessed with finding oil, making cold hard cash, and destroying his enemies. All three of those things are enough to fill one’s day, leaving zero time for the pursuit of sexual intercourse.
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(#15) King Leonidas
- Meet the Spartans, 300, The 300 Spartans
A man who spends this much time getting ripped, and even more time obsessing over killing other men, has definitely never had sex. Sure, Leonidas from 300 supposedly has a kid, but who's to say he isn't adopted?
If Leonidas had actually done it, he wouldn't be so eager to go on a suicide mission with 299 of his hottest friends. The focus and drive required to go to war against 30,000 warriors can only be attained by a virgin who has zero sexual desire.
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About This Tool
Alpha males, meaning “older” males who are comfortable in a group and have it all under control. Researchers recently found that for Alpha males, extra stress may be one of the main reasons for their short lives. On the other hand, scientists have also found that stress contributes to the evolution of the brain and that Alpha males’ success is in part due to stress.
This random tool collates 15 items and introduces you to the impressive Alpha male in the film. They often a simple character, like to boast about their heroic deeds, but in fact, shallow thinking, not too bad-hearted.
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