Random Amazing Real-Life Resurrection Stories (12 items)

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  (#12) Grigori Rasputin

  Nobody likes a know-it-all, and rumored psychic Rasputin was no exception. Though he was murdered several times, the Russian mystic stubbornly returned to the realm of the living time and again.

  On June 29, 1914, his first murderer – a former prostitute named Guseva – stabbed Rasputin in the belly until his tummy parts came spilling out. Satisfied with her work, she proclaimed, "I have killed the antichrist!" But he came back.

  On December 16, 1916, a group of Rasputin's frenemies fed him cake and wine laced with enough cyanide to kill five men. When he didn't die or even gag, one whipped out a gun and shot Rasputin in the back. He hit the floor dead, and the conspirators left to go celebrate. When they returned, however, Rasputin was alive again, of course, and all in a rage. They shot him a couple more times.

  When Rasputin was resurrected again, the guys murdered him for the third time by beating him with clubs (and allegedly cutting off his ding-dong). Then they tied him up, wrapped him in a blanket, and dumped his body into the icy Neva River.

  A few days later, Rasputin's body was pulled from the river – dead, but with his arms outstretched. This meant he had come back to life again, at least long enough to break free of his restraints. Water was found in his lungs – evidence that he was alive for some time in the water. The autopsy report ultimately listed his cause of death as hypothermia, despite the poison, beatings, and four bullet holes he had sustained, including one in his forehead.

  Lastly but not leastly, when Rasputin's body was being burned in the woods in Saint Petersburg, he sat up in the fire and tried to move around. Now that's persistence.
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  (#5) Thomas à Kempis, Faithless

  In life, Catholic monk Thomas à Kempis (probably) wrote The Imitation of Christ, which everyone agreed was a pretty good and pious publication. Some time after his death in Zwolle in 1471, Church authorities began to think Thomas would make a good saint. They exhumed his body with plans to go forward with his canonization, but were bummed to find scratch marks inside the coffin lid and splinters embedded beneath Thomas's nails.

  Despite the holy miracle of his resurrection after death, Thomas was denied canonization and never became a saint. After all, what kind of candidate for sainthood would try to escape his fate of death?
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  (#9) Saudi Mom

  2009 - During a Caesarean section delivery in a Kuwait City hospital, the woman in labor was pronounced dead. Her grief-stricken husband was handed her death certificate – along with their new baby, who was born with birth defects. The would-be mother's body was whisked off to the morgue, where it was locked up with all the hospital's other losses for the day.

  Two hours later, the woman was struck with life again, but in a very dark, very cold place. She screamed and banged on the door of the deep freezer until a worker finally heard her. (Why do these things lock from the inside, anyway?) Upon her release, the woman's husband was called back to the hospital to return her death certificate, which he was not allowed to keep as a souvenir.
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  (#11) Duns Scotus

  When Scottish theologian John Duns Scotus died of apoplexy in November 1308 in Cologne, Germany, he was buried in a tomb in the chapel of the Franciscan church. Some years later, his vault was opened again, and Scotus was found outside of his coffin. After his resurrection from the dead, he had tried hard to open the tomb from the inside, but to no avail.

  His hands were torn and covered in blood, and he was dead (again).
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  (#1) Matthew Wall, Farmer

  On October 2, 1571, recently deceased young farmer Matthew Wall was lying in a coffin on the way to his own funeral. Even though the day was cool and damp, the whole village of Braughing in Hertfordshire was out for the event, including Wall's distressed fiancée. As the procession made their way to the church, one of the pallbearers slipped on the wet leaves, dropping the coffin to the ground. The commotion was surprising.

  But when the men lifted the coffin again, they were even more shocked by what they heard next: the sound of knocking. Matthew Wall had come back to life and was banging on the walls of his own coffin!

  Wall eventually went on to marry his fiancée and live for another 24 years. Since then, Braughing village has commemorated Old Man's Day every year on October 2nd. To celebrate, village children bring brooms to sweep leaves from the lane in front of the church, presumably so no one slips on them. Any more dropped coffins, and they could have a zombie apocalypse on their hands.
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  (#7) Colombian Woman

  February 2010 - After falling ill from a serious condition, a 45-year-old woman in Cali, Colombia, was declared dead. Staff at a medical clinic signed her death certificate, and her body was transferred to a funeral home to be prepared for her burial. Just as a worker went to inject her lifeless limbs with formaldehyde preservative, the woman miraculously began to breathe and move again.

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