Random Lamest Superhero Origin Stories (15 items)

(#12) Hulkling

First Appearance: Young Avengers #1 (April 2005)
Cool! A young version of the Incredible Hulk! I wonder how he's related to Bruce Bann - wait, he has nothing to do with the Hulk? No gamma radiation? He's not even human?
Nope, Hulkling is the son of the Skrull emperor's daughter and Captain Mar-vell, making him half-Skrull/half-Kree. This gives him the ability to shapeshift, along with massive strength.
Despite all the soap opera baggage in his origin, Hulkling isn't a bad character. It's just lame that he wasn't named after something relevant to him, but was named after something that he just sort of looks like
(#4) Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)
- Identity Crisis, More Fun Comics, Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters
First Appearance: More Fun Comics #73 (November 1941)
A traumatic experience inspired Oliver Queen to fight injustice in his city... like Batman.
He's a millionaire playboy philanthropist... like Batman.
He had a car and a cave headquarters based off his persona's theme... like Batman.
He even had a teenage boy sidekick like Batman!
While his original origin was different from Batman's in that he had to teach himself high-level archery to survive while stranded on a deserted island, everything else felt like a Batman ripoff. Over the years, Green Arrow's personality and origin changed in order to distance himself from the Dark Knight, but even after all of that he still has to contend with being compared to the original avenging archer, Robin Hood.
(#6) Catwoman

First Appearance: Batman #1 (Spring 1940)
Catwoman has turned into one of the longest-lasting leading ladies in comics as both a hero and a villain, but her origin was pretty declawed. Her original origin wasn't shared until 1950's Batman #62, where it was revealed that she was a flight attendant with amnesia that turned to crime after getting hit on the head during a plane crash. So why the obsession with cats? Her father owned a pet store.
Yeah, so you see why they retconned all of this in 1983.
(#13) Luke Cage

Origin Story: Luke Cage: Hero for Hire #1 (June 1972)
While within the past decade Luke Cage has been written as a fully-formed character in Marvel, he didn't really break onto the scene in an original way. When he debuted in 1972, Cage was convicted of a crime he didn't commit. While imprisoned, he agreed to be a guinea pig for an experimental serum, which gave him unbreakable skin. Cage would then get released from prison, become a "hero-for-hire," and talk a lot of insultingly broad jive.
Before he was fleshed out decades later by writers like Brian Michael Bendis, Cage was a street-level Captain America in a Melvin Van Peebles film.
(#5) Wonder Man

First Appearance: Avengers #9 (October 1964)
While Simon Williams has been an established mainstay of the Avengers, his origin was anything but wonderful. Williams would get his ion-based superpowers after Baron Zemo and the Enchantress bailed him out of prison and transformed him. Essentially, he was blackmailed into becoming a hero/spy on the Avengers.
Also, check out the panel. Even he hates his own name.
(#9) Matter-Eater Lad

First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303 (December 1962)
In case you couldn't figure it out based on his name, Matter-Eater Lad has the ability to consume matter in all forms and density. How was he gifted with this incredible power? He was born with it, like his father and mother. In fact, all of the natives of his home planet, Bismoll (like Pepto-Bismol, get it?), can eat anything solid.
Apparently, the Legion of Superheroes could have millions of thing-chompers on their roster if they wanted. Sorry, but if your superhero origin story is "being born," you could maybe use a retcon.