Random Things You Suck At, According To Your Zodiac Sign (12 items)

(#8) Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
- Constellation
Scorpios may traditionally be represented by eight-legged scorpions, but don't be fooled. Every Scorpio has a snake bigger than Taylor Swift lurking somewhere inside of their dark souls. Scorpios are wildly possessive masters of manipulation who have an intoxicating air of danger about them that lures people. They might seem charming on the outside, but on the inside, they're straight-up venomous – especially if they smell a hint of disloyalty. "Disloyalty" is a broad term for Scorpios and can be as innocuous as liking a Facebook post from a frenemy or swearing your allegiance to In-N-Out instead of Shake Shack.
The worst part of dealing with a Scorpio is that once you get into a spat, you going to be stung. Scorpios are too secretive and paranoid that people will manipulate them in the way they've manipulated you, so you can't win. Scorpios always destroy the receipts, unless the receipts are yours. In that case, they're filed in alphabetical order and relegated to the depths of their snake lair for safe keeping.
(#10) Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
- Constellation
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer – as long as your enemies have success, money and social status. Capricorns are serious social-climbers. This strong-willed sign has no problems cutting out a toxic friend – they may even err on the side of callous – unless of course that toxic friend is ultra-popular. If that's the case, you'll probably hear them name drop that person ad nauseam.
If you've got something a Capricorn wants, you can bet she's going to snuggle up close until she leeches your success. Hey, at least Capricorn's methods really do work. They definitely manage to climb the social ladder and excel in their fields, though it's at the cost of genuine relationships. Is it lonely at the top? Capricorn couldn't care less.
(#7) Libra (September 23 - October 22)
- Constellation
Libra, Hufflepuff, what's really the difference? This flighty, indecisive zodiac just can't handle anything other than rainbows and puppies. When grumpy baby boomers talk about snowflake millennials, you can probably blame Librans for giving all of us a bad rap. At the root of it, a Libra just wants to love and be loved, but hates confrontation which makes coexisting in any serious relationship kind of difficult and will often repress things to the point of a meltdown. If things blow up in a heated, melodramatic explosion of emotion, know it was probably pent up inside a poor Libra all along.
(#3) Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
- Constellation
Gemini's symbol is twins because if you're born under the sign you're going to get one of two characteristics – the loyal, passionate friend who hates the same people you do or the two-faced gossip who accidentally spreads your secrets around town. Geminis just can't keep their mouths shut, but it's not always on purpose. They're the kind of people who get so swept up in a juicy conversation that they accidentally disclose sensitive details. Whoops! Sometimes when you're passionately judging someone, it's easy to accidentally spill the tea.
(#6) Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
- Constellation
What you call hyper critical and wildly judgmental, a Virgo would call detail-oriented. Virgos just aren't great at letting the little things go – from pointing out a tiny, irrelevant inconsistency in your memory of Friday's night (no that guy didn't actually hit on you like you thought, don't you remember?) or noticing that your foundation is a half shade off from your natural skin tone. It's probably kind of helpful if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to walk around with greens between your teeth, but sometimes, you just want to live without being picked apart. Let us live, Virgo, let us live!
(#2) Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Constellation
Taurus, we know it's safe on your couch watching TV, but don't you want to do something other than Netflix and chill? Taurus is the laziest of the zodiac signs, if only because you can't fail if you don't try. Nothing bad ever happened to anyone after watching 45 episodes of Friends in a row, but do you not feel the smallest pang of shame when Netflix asks you if you're still watching?
However, don't let a Taurean lack of drive fool you. They're really just interpreted as lazy because doing nothing is the safest option at any given time. If things don't change, they can't change for the worse.