Get Great Skin By Letting Bees Sting You - Advice That Ended A Woman
[ranking: 1]
In 2018, an article in the Journal of Investigational Allergology revealed a 55-year-old woman passed from something called apitherapy. This is a form of therapy in which a patient is intentionally stung by bees. Proponents claim it can reduce inflammation and scarring, but scientists and doctors find the therapy dangerous. In the article, authors P. Vazquez-Revuelta and R. Madrigal-Burgaleta state there is limited proof the therapy is safe and that it actually has great potential to be dangerous.
This is especially true with repeated therapy, which could make someone much more sensitive to bee stings. The woman who passed from the therapy had been receiving it every four weeks for two years. During the fatal session, she lost consciousness and passed several weeks later.
As is par for the course for Paltrow and Goop, they've endorsed the treatment repeatedly even though it's widely regarded as dangerous by the scientific community. Paltrow has personally talked up the therapy both in Goop and a New York Times interview, in which she stated bee sting therapy is "pretty incredible."
Eat Spirit Truffles To De-Calcify Your Pineal Gland And Learn ESP
[ranking: 2]
Paltrow's recipe for Spirit Truffles borders on the bizarre. In her own words: "The spirit dust feeds harmony and extrasensory perception through pineal gland de-calcification and activation." Wait, these truffles give you ESP? Are we sure it's not Angel Dust she's asking us to mix in to these "uplifting" spirit dust truffles?
A 24-Carat Gold Dildo
[ranking: 3]
Not satisfied with your intimate life? It's nothing a $15,000 24-carat gold pleasure toy can't fix. An article on Goop rounded up some "not-so-basic" intimacy toys that normal folks should totally spend their hard-earned cash on. A plastic set of handcuffs from the dollar store? Way too basic. Instead, Paltrow recommends a $189 pleasure set complete with silk cuffs and a blindfold, or a $535 whip.
If that doesn't work, you could always pick up a $395 vibrating Kiki de Montparnasse necklace that doubles as nipple clamps.
The Best Health Remedies Are The Ones Gwyneth Has Invested In
[ranking: 4]
Paltrow discloses that she has invested in products she is promoting on her site. Not a big deal, unless the entire purpose of the site (in her own words) is to provide unbiased advice. It's hard to take any of her advice seriously, but this takes the gluten-free cake.
Your Friends Totally Want A $30 Keychain For Christmas
[ranking: 5]
Consider yourself lucky to not know Paltrow personally around gifting times. In her annual Gift Guide, prices range from about $250 to $7,600 (besides one $30 key chain). Needless to say, it's not the most useful guide for the majority of people.
How To Have An Affordable Yachting Weekend
[ranking: 6]
It probably depends on your tax bracket, but for most of the world, isn't a guide to affordable yachts an oxymoron? The advice might not be bonkers in and of itself, but for the 99 percent, the price definitely is.
Have Two Careers, It's Easy!
[ranking: 7]
Paltrow's advice to women with multiple careers is almost insulting. Besides her own fabulous self, Paltrow uses a woman who is a runway model and web coder as her example of a working mother. What about a retail worker who has to drive an Uber to make ends meet? The advice, in that case, might be slightly different.
Most people who take up multiple jobs at once aren??t doing for the sole purpose of diversifying their fame portfolio - it's out of necessity.
Vaginal Steaming Is A Great Idea
[ranking: 8]
According to Paltrow, the real golden ticket is a Mugworth V-Steam, whereby you "sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam treats you to an energetic release."
But here's a fair caveat: physicians are warning Paltrow fans - "don't try this at home."
The Perfect Ponytail Is Really Easy (If Your Stylist Does It)
[ranking: 9]
Paltrow's stylist shares how easy DIY ponytails are. Has anyone over the age of 7 ever thought there was another option? Is Paltrow trying to prove to the rest of the world how out of touch the impossibly rich and famous are?
Here, everyone, behold - a ponytail! And I did it all by myself!
It Takes Seven Days To Get Ready When Having Friends Over For Dinner
[ranking: 10]
Paltrow created an honest to God seven-day countdown for having friends over for dinner. Her "Entertaining Cheat Sheet" also offers which high-end products you should use for your special occasion, naturally. This include Bon Iver albums and porcelain fortune cookies.
How To Be A Hipster
[ranking: 11]
By the very nature of "hipsterdom," any write up on hipster places or trends immediately revokes its hipster status - it's science. What self-respecting hipster would ever go to a place that has been written about by Goop? They'd be forced to shave off their mustaches and hand in their flannel immediately.
But allegedly, Paltrow knows "where LA's most pace-setting crowd hangs out."
'Conscious Uncoupling' Is A Real Thing And The Best Way To End A Marriage
[ranking: 12]
How could anyone forget the invention of the term "conscious uncoupling." The term is a totally posh way to say your marriage is over and a split is imminent. (Though it's probably pretty hard to find a decent conscious uncoupling lawyer.)
The Ritz Carlton Kyoto Is A Great Trip For A Solo Traveler
[ranking: 13]
Most solo travelers are backpacking and opt for a hostel - yet no one told Paltrow this. It's just another example of her flaunting her own wealth rather than sharing real advice.
How To Make Your Bed
[ranking: 14]
Nothing screams impenetrable privilege more than writing a step-by-step article on how to make a bed as though it were new information. But in case you're looking for a $500 set of sheets, Goop has got your back on where to shop.
How To Get A Slimmer Waist
[ranking: 15]
This is a direct quote from a Goop newsletter on fitness: "There's nothing more disheartening than the sight of love handles spilling over your pants, or a pooched belly." Nothing? Really? The masses can probably think of a few things.
All Addiction Is Caused By An Addiction to One's 'Self'
[ranking: 16]
What might just be Goop's most dangerous advice is its complete glazing over of the significance of addiction as a disease, instead, pretending it's about letting go to the addiction of our "self" so we can choose more wisely. You know, because apparently addiction is a choice.
Why trust medical research when you have the concept of "pure awareness"?
Sex Bark Is Delicious
[ranking: 17]
A central ingredient of Goop's Sex Bark is Sex Dust. Apparently, Sex Dust is "an aphrodisiac warming potion." Um, what happened to booze and a little Barry White?
Putting Your iTunes On Shuffle Makes Plane Trips Fly By
[ranking: 18]
Paltrow's advice on better plane trips is only ridiculous when you consider that she thinks it's actually helpful. She suggests putting iTunes on shuffle and keeping track of the playlist.... real ground breaking stuff.
The French Make The Best (Fanciest) Pharmacy Products
[ranking: 19]
Paltrow gloats: "I first discovered these products in France but they are now widely available." The important takeaway of this advice is not what products to use, but that she knew about them before it was cool. Who knew Paltrow was such a hipster?
How To Build A Fort
[ranking: 20]
Paltrow offers advice on how to build a fort at home, you know, because the last thing we need is kids running around using their own imagination. The fun is really in the project managing part of it.
Office Supplies Should Be Cute
[ranking: 21]
Want proof Paltrow has never worked in a real office? Look no further than her office supply article. The assertion that colored pencils are a need suggests her experience in an office-like environment extends as far as high school or a Google training video.
Mixing And Matching Silverware Is The Key To Surviving The Holidays
[ranking: 22]
Paltrow promotes what she believes is the quaint idea of mixing and matching silverware - all vintage, of course. Finally, she's offering a not-so-fancy solution. Looks like it's time to hit up a few places and start collecting - Denny's, Outback, Olive Garden, here we come. Tell 'em Gwyneth sent ya.
How To Manscape
[ranking: 23]
Paltrow offers men's grooming tips, most pertinently on how to not rock a Bert brow. Yet the general assumption is that any man reading Goop probably manscapes on the reg.
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