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  • (#17) Construction mill janitor keeps finding meth gear in the bathrooms

    "I am currently working as a janitor for a construction mill. My job is to essentially clean the bathrooms and clear the walk ways- the usual stuff. I'm cleaning the men's restroom over in the steel mill part of the site and for the past five weeks I've been finding meth pipes, full pieces of pipes along with the bag they come in and they are either sitting by the sink or someone tries to flush them and I have to fish it out."
  • (#10) Mall janitor finds dead man lying in his own urine on bathroom floor

    "I was a janitor at a shopping mall for about a month when I was a teen in the late 90s. While cleaning the bathrooms one Saturday I walked in and saw an unconscious older man lying on his back on the floor. It looked like he had been using the urinal and just fell backwards. I left the bathroom and grabbed a security guard. He came in and took one look at the guy and froze. He was dumbfounded, didn't know what to do. I raised my voice for him to call 9-1-1. When the paramedics showed up, one of them asked if I wanted to help by holding his IV bag while they wheeled him out. I asked if the guy was going to make it because he was making groaning sounds. The paramedic said he's already dead but they couldn't pronounce him because they needed a doctor to do it when they got to the hospital. When I got home, later that night, I was pretty shaken up by the experience. My dad, who survived Vietnam, said I was lucky that my first experience with death was such a clean one. He wasn't there, of course, and he didn't hear the body's moans. That was the end of my janitorial career. I felt so bad about a man dying in his own piss, alone, in a strange bathroom that I tried to find out who he was and maybe contact his family. But I eventually gave up that idea when the hospital stonewalled me because I wasn't a family member."
  • (#7) Girls deface movie theatre bathroom with poop and blood graffiti during "Twilight" release

    "Movie theatre. Twilight releases. Separate occasions.


    'Team Jacob' written in sh*t in a woman's restroom stall.
     

    Next release? 'Team Edward' written in period blood in a woman's restroom stall."

  • (#11) Customer poops in restaurant's shop vac; tries to hide it

    "I was a manager at a delicatessen/ restaurant. There was a hallway in the back that led to the bathrooms, but it passed by the office on the way. The door to the office had broken recently and while we were waiting on a new door, we left it open - other than a heavy-duty safe bolted to the floor, there wasn't anything in there that anyone wanted - a few files, some supplies, etc. Also our shop vac.
     

    At the end of the day, I went back to put money in the safe - there was an odd smell, but being adjacent to the bathrooms I didn't think anything of it. But later someone went to use the shop vac and it smelled horrendous. We opened the top and...
     

    Apparently, someone went back and both bathrooms were occupied, and they couldn't hold it. The easiest receptacle, we guessed, was the shop vac they spied in the open office. Some one took a diarrhea sh*t in our shop vac.
     

    We just chucked the thing in the dumpster. None of us were paid enough to deal with that.""

  • (#3) Rancid lunch box causes janitor to projectile vomit

    "One night we noticed an above average amount of flies congregating around a Dora the Explorer lunch bag hanging off a coat hanger in the hallway. It also kind of stinks, so I prod it with my broom, and a Ziploc bag full of brown sludge falls out and explodes on the floor. The putrid stench of whatever was in the bag hits me like a truck and I instantly projectile vomit on the floor. My friend who was also working with me as a janitor comes over and can't even come within 20 feet because it smells so bad. We shovel it into a snow shovel and dump it in the dumpster, but by then the smell has permeated the entire building. We had to open every window and basically mop the whole building with this powerful anti-odor stuff that we had. To this day, I have no idea what could have been in that bag, my hypothesis is that it was a porkchop sandwich that had liquefied and fermented over the course of several months."
  • (#18) High school janitor hunts down dick graffiti vandal

    "I was a janitor for four years; elementary, middle and high schools.
     
    We had two weeks of non-stop penises being drawn in black sharpie EVERYWHERE. The lockers, walls, floor, mirrors, library books, desks, windows, and even the ceiling had these sh*tty hastily drawn dicks scribbled on them. In a SINGLE day I counted 134 in one girls bathroom, we had six of them in this high school and they all were COVERED. Well, after filing complaints with the VP and principal, we now had the entire staff on the look out. Two weeks pass of this and finally the day of judgment came, the bandit was apprehended! It was this little cute freshmen girl; little, nerdy, and shy. We had theses plans of making her do all this clean up, trash work, cleaning up after football games - the works. Once my boss saw that it was this innocent looking wolf in sheep's clothing he backed down and just told her to not do it again and to just run along. So anticlimactic."

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