The Grand Carver
[ranking: 1]
Well you didn??t expect the Queen to cut her own meat, did you? The royal household maintains the position of Grand Carver, which literally just designates someone to carve up the roast meat on special occasions. The role is currently held by the Earls of Denbigh and Desmond. Grand Carver is a hereditary position, because apparently the gift of evenly slicing poultry is a genetic one.
There??s also the separate position of Master Carver of Scotland, because clearly it's just that important.
The Royal Shoe-Wearer
[ranking: 2]
Okay, so it might not be an official position, but one of the Queen??s wardrobe staffers is responsible for breaking in her heels. And for such a burdensome task, surely an honorary title is deserved. Stewart Parvin, the Queen's dress designer, explained that it??s only necessary for the Queen to have her shoes broken in so she won??t grow uncomfortable during her many events.
The woman is also 90 years old, so the world probably wouldn??t begrudge her the occasional ballet flat.
Warden of the Swans & Marker of the Swans
[ranking: 3]
Historically, this position was filled by one person and was titled Keeper of the Swans. But in 1993 it was decided that swan duty was simply not a one-man job, and thus the separate positions of Warden of the Swans and Marker of the Swans were created. These two are responsible for the annual ??Swan-Upping Ceremony.??
Originally, this meant the swans on the River Thames were rounded up as a delicious banquet snack. But now the event is much more animal-friendly, and the Queen??s swans are simply gathered for a census and health check. Yes, another perk of being Queen of England is that you just automatically own all of the swans.
The Royal Horological Conservator
[ranking: 4]
One thing the British Monarchy truly excels at is creating fancy, bullsh*t titles for mundane jobs. The Royal Horological Conservator is actually the Royal Clock Winder. If you haven??t noticed by now, the Queen isn??t generally one to favor modernity over tradition. So rather than using a digital clock, she hires someone to maintain and set over 1,000 clocks in Buckingham Palace and the other royal residences.
That constant tick-tocking plus the morning bagpipe performance is starting to make the palace sound like a downright noisy place to live.
Keeper of the Queen's Stamps
[ranking: 5]
The Royal Philatelic Collection, AKA the Queen??s stamps, has been kept under the watchful eyes of Michael Sefi since 2003. While this job might sound so dull that it can't be real, Sefi travels internationally to acquire new stamps and arrange stamp exhibitions to display the Queen??s impressive collection.
Though the Queen inherited much of the collection from her grandfather, George V, and apparently doesn't give a f*ck about stamps, she does appreciate the need to preserve the collection. Sefi has been an avid stamp collector since his youth and headed up several philatelic societies before landing the job.
Official Harpist to the Prince of Wales
[ranking: 6]
For those of you who think Prince Charles has just been sitting around waiting to finally inherit the throne, think again. He reinstated the role of Official Harpist to the Prince of Wales! (Which is him, by the way.) The role of Official Harpist was discontinued in the days of Queen Victoria, but Charles wanted to grow the harp??s profile as an instrument. Don??t say he doesn??t have goals. The harp is actually an important component of Welsh tradition and Charles hoped the revival of the position would develop musical talent in Wales.
In 2015, Anne Denholm replaced the previous harpist, Hannah Stone, after the married Stone ran off with an opera singer twenty years older than she, causing what can safely be assumed to be the biggest royal-harp-related scandal in a long time.
Piper to the Sovereign
[ranking: 7]
A position created by Queen Victoria, the Piper to the Sovereign acts as the official bagpiper for special events. His main duty, however, is to play the bagpipes every morning at 9 am for 15 minutes under the Queen??s window. Which sounds... unpleasant, at best. Lest the queen escape this peculiar form of torture, the Piper to the Sovereign travels to her residences at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, Balmoral Castle, and the Palace Holyroodhouse.
Of course the position is a huge honor, a real who??s-who of the bagpiping community, and only fourteen pipers have held the post since 1843.
The Astronomer Royal
[ranking: 8]
Back in 1675, King Charles II appointed the first Astronomer Royal, John Flamsteed, to map out ??the motions of the heavens.?? Sure, piece of cake. Today, with iPhone apps that can label the constellations, one might think the position of Astronomer Royal would fall by the wayside. Yet the prestigious role still exists and is currently held by Martin Rees.
Though largely a ceremonial figure, he is responsible for advising the sovereign on all astronomical matters as needed.
Page of Honour
[ranking: 9]
The Pages of Honour are responsible for carrying the Queen??s long, heavy train during ceremonial occasions. That??s pretty much it. The position is usually given to teenage sons of nobility or senior members of the royal household. Because every teen boy dreams of dressing up like a nutcracker and carrying an old lady??s robes around all day, right?
In 2014, while the Queen was in the middle of a speech, one of her Pages of Honour apparently fainted to the floor beside her. She reportedly glanced over at him briefly and then just continued on with her speech.
The Queen's Bargemaster
[ranking: 10]
Like so many other royal jobs, the Queen's Bargemaster is now mainly ceremonial in function. In the 18th century, the sovereign regularly traveled on the River Thames. Forty-eight Royal Watermen would row the Royal Barges up and down the river, and the Queen's Bargemaster was in charge of them all.
Now there are no state barges, yet still there are 24 Royal Watermen and a Bargemaster. Currently, the royal family uses the Royal Nore, the official motor launch, to travel on the river, and they have 25 men available to escort them, ever so ceremoniously, on board.
Surveyor of the Queen's Pictures
[ranking: 11]
The Queen??s ??Royal Collection?? currently includes roughly 7,000 oil paintings and 3,000 miniatures. That??s a lot of pictures that need surveying. Desmond Shawe-Taylor holds curatorial responsibility for all of the Queen??s Pictures, which are on display at the principal royal residences, but are open to the public.
This role is not to be confused with the entirely separate role of Surveyor of the Queen??s Works of Art. Raise your hand if you??re confused.
Poet Laureate
[ranking: 12]
Though many countries have a Poet Laureate, including the United States, it??s still a little odd to have a salaried national poet. The tradition began in England in the 17th century, and the position has been held by well-known poets such as William Wordsworth and Alfred Tennyson. While the role previously had firmer requirements and political importance, now the Poet Laureate writes poems for special events, or whenever they happen to feel the urge.
Britain's current Poet Laureate, Carol Ann Duffy, was the first woman appointed to the position. She receives a modest salary of ??5,750, and, according to tradition, a ??butt of sack,?? which is about 600 or so bottles of sherry. Just to get those emotions flowing.
The Queen's Flag Sergeant
[ranking: 13]
The Queen??s Flag Sergeant has the fun task of raising and lowering the royal standard flag outside the Queen??s residence to indicate whether or not she??s home. The Union Flag is raised when she??s absent. To make matters more difficult, the Flag Sergeant also has to follow the Queen around to all of her residences, raising and lowering the flag upon her entrance and exit. Current Flag Sergeant, Lance Sgt Nathan Bowen, enjoys the position, and stated, ??We all sign or swear the oath of allegiance to serve Her Majesty and her offices below and this is the place at the top of the tree to do just that.??
Well... the top of the pole, really, but we get the point.
Master of the Queen's Music
[ranking: 14]
DJ Judith Weir in the house! Or palace, as it may be. Judith Weir is the current Master of the Queen??s Music, a role which entails composing music for any important royal events that may occur. She is also the sovereign's advisor in all things musical, so if the Queen happens to need a new Spotify playlist, she's covered. Weir is the first woman to nab the job, and the first to hold it for a ten-year term rather than a lifetime appointment.
Masters of the Queen's Music are typically already renowned within the classical music world, so if you're not a musical prodigy, you need not apply.
Master of the Horse
[ranking: 15]
Like many of the current royal positions, the Master of the Horse now has a mainly ceremonial role and is only seen on rare state occasions where the sovereign is mounted on horse. The position, which has been held since the 14th century, used to be one of great importance and political influence. In 1924, however, the office became an apolitical one. It??s possible the invention of a little thing called the car had something to do with it.
The current Master of Horse is in charge of the Royal Mews, AKA the stables. Talk about a demotion. His name is Lord Vestey, because, of course it is.
Yeomen Warder
[ranking: 16]
The Yeomen Warders act as the ceremonial guardians of the Tower of London. In other words, they??re glorified tour guides. Often called ??Beefeaters,?? their position in the Royal Bodyguard once allowed them to eat all the beef their hearts desired from the king??s table. In the grand scheme of nicknames, that??s a pretty bad one.
If you visit London, you can catch the Yeomen Warders outside the Tower of London taking pictures with tourists and telling creepy execution stories.
New Random Display Show all by ranking(17 items)