Random Most WTF Stories Janitors Described (19 items)

• (#1) Diarrhea explosion plagues Walmart bathroom

  "When I was janitorial at Walmart, I had to clean one of the most unholy messes I have ever seen. It was a Saturday like any other, I was messing around in the back trying to look busy, and I get a page to the front bathrooms for a mess. I thought it was something minor, maybe a spill, full trash, etc. BUT NO. I get up there and the lady that I was working with was walking out of there gagging. So I mentally prepare myself for what I am about to see. I walk in with my cart, open the stall, and I see what I can only imagine is what hell looks like. It looks as if someone had exploded diarrhea F*CKING EVERYWHERE. Just climbed to the ceiling like some sort of white trash Spiderman, and let lose. It was horrifying, and of course I was the only one who could clean it, the other folks couldn't stand the smell without puking. So I manned up and got to it. It took almost an hour, and a whole jug of bleach, and I got it clean. That was about the point I realized $7.70 an hour isn't nearly enough to deal with that."

  
  
• (#2) Summer campers take a group dump in attempt to prank custodians

  "I used to work custodial at a summer camp and it never failed that at least once every other week the kids decided it would be hilarious for all of them to take a collective sh*t. They would all go to one stall and sh*t one after the other without flushing. Eventually, there would reach a point where the water to sh*t ratio would flip and there would be more sh*t in the toilet that they would then leave for us at night to clean. The only thing more disgusting than the smell of sh*t on top of sh*t on top of sh*t is having to clean it up."
• (#3) Rancid lunch box causes janitor to projectile vomit

  "One night we noticed an above average amount of flies congregating around a Dora the Explorer lunch bag hanging off a coat hanger in the hallway. It also kind of stinks, so I prod it with my broom, and a Ziploc bag full of brown sludge falls out and explodes on the floor. The putrid stench of whatever was in the bag hits me like a truck and I instantly projectile vomit on the floor. My friend who was also working with me as a janitor comes over and can't even come within 20 feet because it smells so bad. We shovel it into a snow shovel and dump it in the dumpster, but by then the smell has permeated the entire building. We had to open every window and basically mop the whole building with this powerful anti-odor stuff that we had. To this day, I have no idea what could have been in that bag, my hypothesis is that it was a porkchop sandwich that had liquefied and fermented over the course of several months."
• (#4) Loaf-of-bread-sized poop clogs park toilet

  "When I was a kid I did maintenance for the county park system. In a women's restroom at the home base park we started the day at, someone left a turd the length and almost width of a loaf of bread. It was bent and you could tell they tried their hardest to flush it. We called several guys over the radio to drive over and see this thing. Then we used a piece of wood to finally chop it up and flush it down for good.
   

  I've never seen a sh*t that big since, and I've always wondered how something like that could even be passed."
• (#5) Man poops in mall bathroom sink

  "I worked in a mall in Nanaimo, British Columbia. I mainly cleaned the floors in the early morning and washrooms through the day. I've seen all the typical sh*t artists writing on walls etc.
   

  But one day there was a full turd in the men's bathroom sink.

  
  Someone had to have sat on the counter and pushed one out during regular mall hours.

  Anyone could have walked in. There was no toilet paper in the sink or nearby... I radioed security to come check it out cause I wasn't sure what to do and when the guy showed up he lost it and was swearing and super pissed off.... I just sprayed it with heavy duty cleaners and left the tap running until it went away.... but really who sh*ts in a mall sink?!"
• (#6) Vet janitor left to clean up possum carcass puked up by dog

  "Janitor at vet hospital. A dog came in on emergency with a distended stomach. After meds were given, he threw up half an opossum, in bits. I threw up for twenty minutes after helping mop up."
• (#7) Girls deface movie theatre bathroom with poop and blood graffiti during "Twilight" release

  "Movie theatre. Twilight releases. Separate occasions.

  
  'Team Jacob' written in sh*t in a woman's restroom stall.
   

  Next release? 'Team Edward' written in period blood in a woman's restroom stall."
• (#8) Haz-mat worker called to house flooded with sewage and cleanup goes horribly wrong

  "Not a janitor but biohazard clean up.
   

  Got a call from real estate agent about a bad smell in a listing. When we got there owner met us, said windows and doors were sticking. We began the inspection I opened the door to the basement stairs and was hit by the smell in concentrated form. I shined my flashlight and the top step was under 'water' (sewage actually). The entire basement was flooded with 10 feet of raw sewage. This was not the worst part.
   

  The city came and opened a manhole for us. At this time I'm standing 15 feet away telling the property owner procedure and payment. Gas powered pump is placed, bell dropped in basement, and discharge hose placed in manhole. I'm not wearing PPE at this time. Pump is started. I continue to talk, guy is standing over manhole in PPE watching the hose. After about five minutes guy walks a few feet to back of van and the hose decides to dance. Four inch wide discharge hose is now out of the manhole spraying raw sewage 20+ feet up in the air. It was nothing but asses and elbows. I outran the homeowner.
   

  Fire department had to come and wash the street along with several parked cars."
• (#9) Repeat offender leaves sausages in grocery store's urinals

  "When I was 15, I worked at a big grocery store as part of the maintenance team. Being the rookie, I had to clean both male and female bathrooms. Almost every time I went to clean the male bathroom, I would find raw sausages in the urinals. I was a kid, so I don't know why some idiot thought he was so funny leaving those for me to find."
• (#10) Mall janitor finds dead man lying in his own urine on bathroom floor

  "I was a janitor at a shopping mall for about a month when I was a teen in the late 90s. While cleaning the bathrooms one Saturday I walked in and saw an unconscious older man lying on his back on the floor. It looked like he had been using the urinal and just fell backwards. I left the bathroom and grabbed a security guard. He came in and took one look at the guy and froze. He was dumbfounded, didn't know what to do. I raised my voice for him to call 9-1-1. When the paramedics showed up, one of them asked if I wanted to help by holding his IV bag while they wheeled him out. I asked if the guy was going to make it because he was making groaning sounds. The paramedic said he's already dead but they couldn't pronounce him because they needed a doctor to do it when they got to the hospital. When I got home, later that night, I was pretty shaken up by the experience. My dad, who survived Vietnam, said I was lucky that my first experience with death was such a clean one. He wasn't there, of course, and he didn't hear the body's moans. That was the end of my janitorial career. I felt so bad about a man dying in his own piss, alone, in a strange bathroom that I tried to find out who he was and maybe contact his family. But I eventually gave up that idea when the hospital stonewalled me because I wasn't a family member."
• (#11) Customer poops in restaurant's shop vac; tries to hide it

  "I was a manager at a delicatessen/ restaurant. There was a hallway in the back that led to the bathrooms, but it passed by the office on the way. The door to the office had broken recently and while we were waiting on a new door, we left it open - other than a heavy-duty safe bolted to the floor, there wasn't anything in there that anyone wanted - a few files, some supplies, etc. Also our shop vac.
   

  At the end of the day, I went back to put money in the safe - there was an odd smell, but being adjacent to the bathrooms I didn't think anything of it. But later someone went to use the shop vac and it smelled horrendous. We opened the top and...
   

  Apparently, someone went back and both bathrooms were occupied, and they couldn't hold it. The easiest receptacle, we guessed, was the shop vac they spied in the open office. Some one took a diarrhea sh*t in our shop vac.
   

  We just chucked the thing in the dumpster. None of us were paid enough to deal with that.""
• (#12) Sex shop janitor mops up every bodily fluid imaginable from private viewing rooms

  "I used to work in a sex shop, the kind of place that has the booths in the back so you could go crank one out or get your peepee tugged by a stranger (mostly older, always sweaty men. Sometimes with a wig!) and live out your dark fantasies. Aside from the usual puddles of cum I'd have to mop up, I'd sometimes have to deal with a bit of sh*t because, as I said, a lot of the clients were older guys and probably couldn't handle the prostate-push when blowing a load. Thus, sh*tty cum messes. Sometimes a stranger would get a bit over-zealous and try to throat someone and barf up lunchy jizz splashes all over the place. There's not enough bleach in the world, folks."
• (#13) High school janitor gathers girl's bathroom trash and tries to win a radio contest with it

  "In high school women's bathrooms there are small bins in the stalls for their feminine trash. A coworker of mine filled a bag with bloody trash and brought it to a local radio station for a contest. If you could make the host gag through smell, then you won a prize."
• (#14) Hospital janitor cleans human brains out of ambulence

  "I used to work as a janitor in a hospital as a student job and the worst I cleaned up was in the ambulance room. It was a parts of a human brain on the floor, they already had washed up part of it when I arrived!"
• (#15) Medical lab clean up means finding random body parts in trash

  "I worked at a hospital as a janitor for a summer. Cleaning the pathology lab was straight up sickening. You never knew what would be sitting out there waiting to greet you: brains, placenta, a leg full of ulcers. Friggin gross.
• (#16) Hunting cabin cleaner sweeps up beer, sex toys, and animal guts

  "As a teenager I worked as a house keeper cleaning cabins in a popular hunting town. I used to have to clean up animal entrails/parts, shell casings, and lots of beer cans. The strangest things I've found though was a prosthetic leg, a duffle bag that contained a buck knife and a double headed dildo, and a dried deer leg."
• (#17) Construction mill janitor keeps finding meth gear in the bathrooms

  "I am currently working as a janitor for a construction mill. My job is to essentially clean the bathrooms and clear the walk ways- the usual stuff. I'm cleaning the men's restroom over in the steel mill part of the site and for the past five weeks I've been finding meth pipes, full pieces of pipes along with the bag they come in and they are either sitting by the sink or someone tries to flush them and I have to fish it out."
• (#18) High school janitor hunts down dick graffiti vandal

  "I was a janitor for four years; elementary, middle and high schools.
   
  We had two weeks of non-stop penises being drawn in black sharpie EVERYWHERE. The lockers, walls, floor, mirrors, library books, desks, windows, and even the ceiling had these sh*tty hastily drawn dicks scribbled on them. In a SINGLE day I counted 134 in one girls bathroom, we had six of them in this high school and they all were COVERED. Well, after filing complaints with the VP and principal, we now had the entire staff on the look out. Two weeks pass of this and finally the day of judgment came, the bandit was apprehended! It was this little cute freshmen girl; little, nerdy, and shy. We had theses plans of making her do all this clean up, trash work, cleaning up after football games - the works. Once my boss saw that it was this innocent looking wolf in sheep's clothing he backed down and just told her to not do it again and to just run along. So anticlimactic."
• (#19) Hotel bed and bathroom soaked in blood; stash of used pads showed source

  "My first job was being a housekeeper at a hotel when I was 15... I walk into this one room, and the bed is literally SOAKED in blood. Mostly in the middle. Just covered. I was so scared. I called my boss and he said just toss the sheets, so I did. Then I moved on to the bathroom, and checked the sh*tty plastic ice bucket to make sure it didn't have water or anything in it, and bam, the whole thing is jam packed full of massive bloody pads. F*cking terrible. I had to clean it all up."

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