Only Douche Bags Wear Sunglasses Indoors
[ranking: 1]
Wolverine and Cyclops have never been friends. When they weren't sniping at one another over who should lead the X-Men, they were acting like teenagers while they fought over Jean (Scott's ex-wife and Logan's true love). So when the two frenemies have to fight ALL of the sentinels in Wolverine and the X-Men #40 there's some tension as to whether Logan is just going to peace out and let Cyclops handle the purple robots all by his lonesome.
After the two heroes kill everything in their paths they share a cute moment, which is actually kind of nice.
Aloof Is Logan's Middle Name
[ranking: 2]
Poor Kitty Pryde, not only does she have a crush on the dumbest metal Russian in the world, but she's so alone now that she's attending Xavier's School for Gifted Teens that she's stuck asking Logan for dating advice. And poor Logan.
We all know he'd rather be out punching dudes in the face with his adamantium claws before drinking all the beers, but he's been reduced to the role of chaperone. Do you think these two will ever learn to get along?
The Rare Time That Logan Has a Valid Point
[ranking: 3]
The only thing that Warren Ellis could do to follow up Joss Whedon's powerhouse collection of Astonishing X-Men stories was to make things get weird. In the first arc of his run on the series, Ellis introduces the X-Men to meat Sentinels, Brood missiles, and that pesky Krakoa island. After an arc full of insanity and resurfaced enemies, the X-Men come face to face with Kaga, a true mutant who hates the heroes because they're so beautiful. It's some straight high-school garbage, so Logan punches this 60-something year-old-man in the face to teach him a lesson. Also because he's riding a wheelchair of death.
Admittedly this is kind of goofy, but it's classic Wolverine to unload on some villain who isn't worth his time because he's in a bad mood. And if you want to make something funnier, you can't beat adding "of doom" to the end of whatever you're talking about.
Logan Just Likes to Stab
[ranking: 4]
Don't you love it when you accidentally stab one of your friends and it turns out that they were possessed by a demon so you were technically helping by being a macho douche bag? Before the New Avengers can piece together a new team and a new club house, an inter-dimensional heathen begins to rip through New York, and it takes over the bodies of Doctor Strange and Daimon Hellstrom - but Wolverine doesn't know that when he stabs them right in the chests.
If Spider-Man hadn't said anything no one would have been the wiser.
Logan Needs to Ride the Silver Bullet
[ranking: 5]
In Joss Whedon's run of Astonishing X-Men, Kitty Pryde sacrifices herself to save the entire world. Right in front of Logan's eyes. Kitty phases herself into a giant bullet fired by the Breakworld aliens, and manages to prevent them from destroying earth.
But in the process she ended up phasing out of existence, entirely, taking the bullet along with her. So it makes sense that Wolverine might want another beer rather than a shoulder to cry on.
Don't Compare Logan to a Child
[ranking: 6]
Wolverine and Deadpool have been doing their best to play nice for a couple of decades, but it never seems to work out. Wolverine's annoyed big brother role makes a perfect foil for Wade Wilson's chatterbox mercenary. So it makes perfect sense that when 'Pool finds out that someone has been tranquilizing him and harvesting his organs for years, maybe even decades, he calls the only people who can truly understand what he's going through: brothers in experimental super science Wolverine and Captain America.
Meanwhile in Wolverine's world, he's been dealing with a virus from the Microverse that suppresses his healing factor. So when Wade makes light of Logan losing the one thing that makes him an indestructible murder machine you can see why he would take umbrage. And his rebuttal is classic Wolverine humor.
Of Course You Know This Means War
[ranking: 7]
In a post decimation world (you know, when Scarlet Witch stripped most of the mutants of the world of their powers) it's fortuitous for 12 year old Molly Hayes of The Runaways to still have her telekinetic abilities along with her super strength. Not only does she pose a threat to any evil mutants that are still lurking around, but she also packs a wallop on anyone who underestimates her. And that definitely goes for Wolverine when he tries to "save" her from a priest while she's investigating a missing maguffin. Wolverine pops out his claws and before you can say "snikt" she throws him into the snow of New York City.
Logan's button on the scene feels like it was written after watching one too many episodes of Looney Toons, but that's OK because it's funny, and who doesn't like seeing one of the strongest, most badass superheroes - ever - get his ass handed to him by a 12 year old?
Womp Womp Wooooomp
[ranking: 8]
The crossover of modern comic book writing and the world of comedy has finally managed to pull Wolverine out of the slash-kill-beer-bub-repeat cycle that he was in for so much of the '80s, '90s, and early 2000s. And the Savage Wolverine story line is doing something different by telling a Doc Savage-style adventure tale in lieu of the dreary Old Man Logans that we've been inundated with recently.
This Romancing the Stone-esque collection of panels comes just after Wolverine has woken up on an island in the Savage Land, discovered that there's a Chtulu thing in a helicopter, and a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D agents bumbling around. All Logan wants to do is go home, but that's not happening any time soon.
This Is as Close to Side Eye as Logan Gets
[ranking: 9]
Marvel's Gifted storyline deals with the rebuilding of Xavier's School for Gifted Children, and the X-Men putting themselves back together after the loss of Jean Grey. Aside from the heavy-handed metaphor, the story is the first of four arcs written by Joss Whedon and it explores Scott Summers's budding romance with Emma Frost - his new co-captain in the X-Men.
When Wolverine finds out that Scott has jumped into bed with another telepath so quickly after his wife's death, Logan immediately starts brooding, but not before he dishes out a little bit of that Logan sarcasm.
What If It's a Taser Made Out of Knives?
[ranking: 10]
Wouldn't life be great if Wolverine were your professor? It seems like the kids in Wolverine: First Class never get tired of hearing about ninja battles or how to perfectly slice up a guy when he thinks he has the drop on you.
In issue #13, Logan takes Kitty Pryde and one her friends to an exhibition of ancient Japanese artifacts (because duh, Wolverine is a nerd) and he ends up getting into a scuffle with a rogue security guard and Elektra, while the girls deal with members of the Hand.
It looks like all those ninja lessons paid off after all.
Wolverines Don't Climb Trees!
[ranking: 11]
Joss Whedon's masterful handle on the likes of the X-Men, and their personal narratives are why the stories in Astonishing X-Men are so funny, yet so full of pathos. Also, he made Logan hide in a tree because of he was scared Beast was going to eat him. What's funnier than that? Exactly.
Dirty Logan
[ranking: 12]
To be honest, the only time anyone needs to quip this much is when they fight a Hellfire Club guard. The fact that Logan has this much time to run through the entire Dirty Harry routine with some creep with a plastic face means that there are probably better things that he could be doing with his time.
This is the kind of thing that writers used to have Wolverine doing all the time, and it while it works in this scenario, readers are glad that he's not just quoting movies at length anymore.
Everyone Likes Arts and Crafts
[ranking: 13]
Joss Whedon made so many fun and interesting choices on his run of Astonishing X-Men, and the six-issue series "Torn" might be some of his best work ever. The storyline deals with the resurgence of the Hellfire Club, who wreak absolute havoc on everyone at Xavier's School for Gifted Children. They remove Logan, possibly the most dangerous member of the X-Men, from the picture by changing his mentality from that of a hardened killer to that of a child mesmerized by all the wonderful things life has to offer.
And this visual of Logan playing with some paper men might be one of the funniest (and kind of upsetting things) Wolverine fans have ever seen.
Hank McCoy: Moose Bear Monster
[ranking: 14]
After the Hellfire Club gives Logan the mindset of a child, he's forced to deal with the insanity of life as an X-Man, specifically, the fact that Beast has been de-evolved into a rampaging blue monster. Stories where characters lose their memories or turn into children can be incredibly tedious, but the writing in Astonishing X-Men #16 is too funny to be bad.
Not only does Logan believe that he's a little English lord, but his description of beast as a "moose or bear, but blue" should be the defacto description for Hank McCoy from here on out.
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